There are those days where I just want to ask out loud why! Times where I want to scream what's going on!! I mean those days where I say is it ever going to end. Yes I give myself a little pity party, and my attitude is not always jumping for joy. When tragidy strikes it hurts. Before I go any further here, I want to tell you that I am being completely open and honest... I want to be vulnerable with you and let you know what is happening. Don't worry though, stay with me, and read this til the end...
Now, back to the storms of life. It sure seems like there are a lot of them. I mean I was just thinking about it last night, and looking back at everything. Things were going pretty good for me as far as health and all that good stuff. I mean yes I had a few struggles in the past with health and surgeries and such, but nothing that seems to be like these days. Let me give you a few examples. When I heard God's voice calling me to go into ministry, I said yes. I wanted to follow God wherever He led me, and to do what He has called me to do. Don't worry, I have not changed my mind, I want to continue to do so... I am here for that purpose... to serve God, and to be all He wants me to be. But I couldn't help to wonder why when I said yes, it seemed like the flood gates of the storms spread wide open. One thing after the other. First the ears, then the sickness and switched outreach, then the bedbugs, and now this. All within the last year or two. It has been very painful it really has. I don't understand why, but I don't need to understand it. I need to embrace it, face it, and say God I know You are there, and You will take care of this. I know I can't do it on my own.
With the help of my Father, I know I will get through this one too. Is it easy? Of course not. Do I always handle it the way I should? No. Of course I have those moments, those days, and even longer where I feel very discouraged, and I want to say, is it ever going to end. Struggles come and go all throughout life, and sometimes I felt like I was getting them all while everyone else seems to have it so much easier. I know that's not true. We all have our challenges, and troubles in life... that's just the way it is. But I know I also have choices on how to react to the challenges. I can pout, and have an Eor type attitude, or I can continue to move forward and with the help of Jesus Christ conquer the storms that come in my path.
I know that I will get through the storms, and I'm sure that this one I'm in now isn't going to be the last. But I want to learn from each one. So when the next one strikes I will still be able to stand strong in my faith, and say, "God you are my God, and I will follow You all of my days. I want to seek You in the morning, and learn to walk in Your ways. And step by step You will lead me." Yes step by step... I can't expect to get from here to New York in one step. So I can't expect to get through the challenges and trials either in one step. But each step God is with me, and He is blessing me beyond measure.
Now I ask you, would you pray that I can get through the storms, and for God to continue to work in me through them. For it is in the times of trouble when I grow the most, it is in those times where my faith in God gets strengthened even more, and I know that God is making a beautiful picture through this all. It may not seem like it now, but one day I will see why I was led in all these different directions. Even if I don't, it doesn't matter, there is a purpose for everything, and God uses everything for His glory and perfect plan.
Father, I admit my attitude and reaction to storms is not always good. But I ask for You to help me in the times of trouble, help me to see Your face, even when it sometimes feels as if I'm all alone. I do get those feelings, but I want to hang on to You, cling to Your promises, and always remember that in all things You will never let me go. Lord I thank You for never giving up on me, and for always loving me. God thank you for the people You have placed in my life, and I pray You would bless them. Hold them close to You, and may they feel Your arms surrounding them. I love You Lord, and through the calm and through the storm, I will praise Your name. Forgive me for my negative attitude, and Help me to continue to stay strong in You, and in my faith. In Jesus' Name Amen.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Looking Back, Marching Forward
Yesterday, July 8th was the day I started with YWAM, one year ago. Never did I think that this year would turn out the way that it did. Don't get me wrong, it turned out better than what I ever imagined it to be. As crazy as it sounds it was one of the hardest years of my life, but it was the greatest year of my life. Now how can complete opposites go in one sentence, talking about the same subject? The greatest and hardest.... together? Crazy right? Well let me take you on a stroll down memory lane, and just maybe you'll see what I'm talking about. We're going to start on July 7 2009....
My birthday. It was no ordinary birthday for me as I spent the day packing for my Mexico trip, and making sure I had the things I needed and left behind what I could do without. At the same time I spent celebrating another year added on to my life. Later in the evening I went out to dinner with my family. Now my mind was racing with so many things, and I was processing what was lying ahead of me. I wasn't really focused on dinner.... but then, as we are led to the table I was about to sit down, when I heard surprise! Now it took me a moment to figure out that I knew all these people in front of me, as I was really not paying any attention. But there stood the people that were my biggest support and influence during the whole process on my journey (They still are... and if it weren't for them I wouldn't be here). Both my pastors, friends from church, and my family... now I had just said my goodbyes to them just a day or two ago, and everyone of them "played along." It was a fun evening, and it was hard to say goodbye, that has always been hard for me to do, and I had to do it twice!
July 8, 2009, Departure day. My mom took me to San Diego, where I was meeting at the YWAM office, to head off to Mexico. I first had my last In n Out burger, for a while. I met a couple people, who now are pretty good friends. We drove over the border, and as we passed the sign last U.S.A. exit, my heart started to pound. That is when reality really sunk in for me. But as we moved forward, I started to feel at peace. God was there, and I knew I was going the way He has called me to go. It was great meeting all the people and they were all pretty awesome. I am now close friends with a lot of them.
The summer was pretty amazing. I built a house for the first time, was able to go to an orphanage, for kids with special needs, and I was able to be a mentor and friend to all the teenagers that came to Mexico for Mission Adventures. There are many things I did over the summer, and I was glad I was there.
August 19, 2009.... Departure day, and headed for home. The last day there, and said some more goodbyes. Some to people I will probably never see again, and to others it was more a see ya later. I came over the border met my mom at the office, and headed for home.
September 25th, 2009.... Back in Mexico, DTS is about to start. It was an amazing journey. DTS had to be where the hardest battles were fought. Even harder than all the battles before DTS, and during Mission Adventures. I felt my faith being tested in ways I never thought were possible... but I was spiritually strengthened even more. Yes it felt like I was being slammed to the ocean floor time and time again, and I had my moments of feeling sorry for myself, but God showed His faithfulness in so many ways. He led me through everything, and it all led to and still is leading to His perfect plan.
A week before Thanksgiving... an unexpected trip to the ER. Spent a few days in the hospital, and was home for a couple weeks. That was where I felt tested the most.... those were the times when I felt defeated. But again, God was there, and He still was running with me. I knew I had to keep fighting, and keep running, even though I wanted to say forget it, I can't do it anymore.
New Year's Eve... my first day in San Francisco. An incredible outreach, where my eyes were opened up to things I never realized I was blind to. I was ministering to the homeless, prostitutes, homosexuals, and various other individuals. It was intense, but it sure was incredible!
Valentines Day... Back in Mexico, and reunited with the team. Debriefing week and graduation. We shared all our stories, and enjoyed our final moments together. And the 21tst was my day to go back home for a while.
May 3, 2010... first day on the job. I came back down to San Diego on April 30th, and started officially with YWAM San Diego/Baja full time. There is a lot God has in store for me, and I know He is going to continue to lead me as I continue to move forward in faith and be all He has called me to be.
Today... Another year older, and there is more to come. It has been an amazing year, as I've said, and I thank you all who were running by my side. Thank you for your support and prayers. You are all a big part of my life, and I want you to know how much each of your mean to me...my family, church family, my pastors, all my extended family, and friends, my YWAM family, and most of all praise God for His faithfulness, and for always running with me, and never letting me go.
My birthday. It was no ordinary birthday for me as I spent the day packing for my Mexico trip, and making sure I had the things I needed and left behind what I could do without. At the same time I spent celebrating another year added on to my life. Later in the evening I went out to dinner with my family. Now my mind was racing with so many things, and I was processing what was lying ahead of me. I wasn't really focused on dinner.... but then, as we are led to the table I was about to sit down, when I heard surprise! Now it took me a moment to figure out that I knew all these people in front of me, as I was really not paying any attention. But there stood the people that were my biggest support and influence during the whole process on my journey (They still are... and if it weren't for them I wouldn't be here). Both my pastors, friends from church, and my family... now I had just said my goodbyes to them just a day or two ago, and everyone of them "played along." It was a fun evening, and it was hard to say goodbye, that has always been hard for me to do, and I had to do it twice!
July 8, 2009, Departure day. My mom took me to San Diego, where I was meeting at the YWAM office, to head off to Mexico. I first had my last In n Out burger, for a while. I met a couple people, who now are pretty good friends. We drove over the border, and as we passed the sign last U.S.A. exit, my heart started to pound. That is when reality really sunk in for me. But as we moved forward, I started to feel at peace. God was there, and I knew I was going the way He has called me to go. It was great meeting all the people and they were all pretty awesome. I am now close friends with a lot of them.
The summer was pretty amazing. I built a house for the first time, was able to go to an orphanage, for kids with special needs, and I was able to be a mentor and friend to all the teenagers that came to Mexico for Mission Adventures. There are many things I did over the summer, and I was glad I was there.
August 19, 2009.... Departure day, and headed for home. The last day there, and said some more goodbyes. Some to people I will probably never see again, and to others it was more a see ya later. I came over the border met my mom at the office, and headed for home.
September 25th, 2009.... Back in Mexico, DTS is about to start. It was an amazing journey. DTS had to be where the hardest battles were fought. Even harder than all the battles before DTS, and during Mission Adventures. I felt my faith being tested in ways I never thought were possible... but I was spiritually strengthened even more. Yes it felt like I was being slammed to the ocean floor time and time again, and I had my moments of feeling sorry for myself, but God showed His faithfulness in so many ways. He led me through everything, and it all led to and still is leading to His perfect plan.
A week before Thanksgiving... an unexpected trip to the ER. Spent a few days in the hospital, and was home for a couple weeks. That was where I felt tested the most.... those were the times when I felt defeated. But again, God was there, and He still was running with me. I knew I had to keep fighting, and keep running, even though I wanted to say forget it, I can't do it anymore.
New Year's Eve... my first day in San Francisco. An incredible outreach, where my eyes were opened up to things I never realized I was blind to. I was ministering to the homeless, prostitutes, homosexuals, and various other individuals. It was intense, but it sure was incredible!
Valentines Day... Back in Mexico, and reunited with the team. Debriefing week and graduation. We shared all our stories, and enjoyed our final moments together. And the 21tst was my day to go back home for a while.
May 3, 2010... first day on the job. I came back down to San Diego on April 30th, and started officially with YWAM San Diego/Baja full time. There is a lot God has in store for me, and I know He is going to continue to lead me as I continue to move forward in faith and be all He has called me to be.
Today... Another year older, and there is more to come. It has been an amazing year, as I've said, and I thank you all who were running by my side. Thank you for your support and prayers. You are all a big part of my life, and I want you to know how much each of your mean to me...my family, church family, my pastors, all my extended family, and friends, my YWAM family, and most of all praise God for His faithfulness, and for always running with me, and never letting me go.
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