A Wedding Day Miracle

Hi Everybody,

First of all a quick update on how I am doing, and then I will share with you a story of God's amazing power and strength.

I am making progress. I have had a couple of bad falls since the last entry and they have given me quite a bit of pain. About a month ago I fell and injured my knee and it still hasn't healed. I have a brace on it which helps with my walking on it. Just a few days ago I took a face plant to the floor and gave myself a good sore back. It is starting to feel better, but that was a fall that brought tears to my eyes. I don't do that too quickly with pain. Those are a couple of the rough spots that have occurred. Overall I have made more porgress. The wheelchair has been back in the picture a little bit because of my knee, but otherwise I have said goodbye to that thing. Yay!

Now, time for the great story I have to share. My sister Laura got married this past Saturday. She got engaged in July. When the wedding date was set I had a goal to achieve. Laura made me her made of honor and I wanted so badly to walk down the isle before her without the walker. I practiced down the hallways of my house with the cane because I had a goal that the cane would be used instead. I never really did master using the cane by myself. The night of rehearsal was the first time I had walked down the isle with the cane by myself and without walls to bump into. On the wedding day I was drained. My body was already exhausted but I knew that I had a goal that was yet to be achieved.
When the time came for me to enter the sanctuary and walk down the isle, I proceeded. Then I felt my legs about to give way and I didn't think I was going to be making it. Just about everybody I knew all around me was praying for me. I felt God's power released in me, and the only way that I can explain it even being possible that I walked with a cane was Jesus carrying me down the isle. That was a total miracle that day, and I praise God that He gave me the strength I needed at just the right time. Right now the cane is put aside for a while and I still use the walker.

I took a literal step of faith that day, and God didn't let me fall. He held me up and led me to the stage where my pastor awaited to help me up the steps.  The wedding was beautiful. It was a Christ centered ceremony and a great day to celebrate with family and friends. 

Thank you all for your prayers and love you have shown me. It has been a rough year, but to God be the glory because I say this with everything I have, "God's got this!" He truly does, and He has continued to remain so faithful, and has given me strength in my weakest moments. Even when my faith is dim, God still holds me tightly in His arms and continues to remind me He is all that I need. I continue to look to the cross and hold tightly on to Jesus, because without Him I am nothing. He is my everything and He is what gets me through each and every day.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

One Fall too Hard

During the past several months I have fallen many times.  Every time I was able to get up, usually with assistance, but I never hurt myself worse than maybe a bruise.  Last week I tripped again and landed on my knee wrong and ended up with a torn ligament and added pain.  I say it was one fall too hard.  During the past few nights I have been thinking.  Night time has become great thinking time because it is hard to sleep.  Anyways I started to compare the fall to my walk with God.  

As I've thought to myself, on the spiritual journey we have many bumps in the road, and times when we have fallen.  The good thing is as Christians we never have to worry about falling too hard for God to be able to pick us back up.  God always walks with us and if we surrender to Him, He will never let us down.   God wants us to follow Him and do what He has called each of us to do.  Many times we fail and try to do things on our own.  That is when we run into trouble.  Because of our sinful nature we do make mistakes.  But God never says to us, "You're not good enough, and I don't need you anymore."  No matter what, God will always be there.  

God also gives us free will.  He doesn't force us to follow Him or accept Him into our lives.  But let me tell you, that when we do commit our lives over to Christ and choose to follow Him, we have a peace and a hope, and an assurance that we are His, and one day He will call us to be with Him for all eternity.  God also promises us that He will be with us, and He will never fail us.  He uses every trial for good and there is always a purpose for every one.   No one can ever take the assurance away no matter how hard life may get.  No matter how many times you stumble, God will always be there to pick you up, and there will never be a fall too hard.  

Not Just a Sandwich

I want to share a story with you.  This is a moment in my life that happened back when I was in college...

The night was cold.  Class was just dismissed for break.  During my break I got into my car to drive up to the gas station just a couple of blocks away from my school.  I pulled up into the parking stall and began taking those few steps to the doors of the gas station store.  Sitting next to the doors was a gentleman dressed in shabby and dirty clothes.  His face and hands were very dirty, and his eyes were filled with grief.  He didn't have to say much, but I knew that this man was lonely, cold, and hungry.  He looked at me and asked if I had any money.  I told him I didn't have any, because I didn't have any cash on me;  just my ATM card.  But he needed something more than a couple bucks.  As I proceeded into the store my mind started going.  I got myself something cold to drink and a little snack to keep my mind awake for the remainder of class that night, but I knew that God wanted me to grab something for the man outside.  I picked up a gas station sandwich and a water bottle.  I made the purchase and walked back outside. I handed the man the bag with the sandwich and water in it and I said, "Here you go sir."  His eyes grew wide and he looked up at me and said to me in a tone that I will never forget.  He said, "You got that for me?  God bless you."  He acted as if I handed him a feast.  His gratitude said it all to me.  

I got back in my car and the tears started to come.  I began to wonder what was his story.  I never saw this man again and even today I wonder sometimes what happened to him.  God told me that night to get a sandwich for the man, but it wasn't just a sandwich, no it was something more.  Jesus shown through me that night.  I could feel the power of the Holy Spirit in me and God's love was poured into the sandwich.  God uses even the smallest acts of kindness to bring others to Him.  I didn't realize until several months later that God was calling me into something more than what I was studying at school.  As I finished up my college career and graduated, God had been leading me into a ride of my life.  I am still riding it!  Between that time to today God has given me many more opportunities to spread His love to the lost and hurting people.  He has definitely given me a huge passion to share His love to those on the streets.  One of the lessons that I learn is God will use even the smallest acts of love and change someone's life.  

We may not all be called to serve around the world, or even in full-time ministry but we are all called to love.  We are all called to share God's love with those around us.  If God asks you to buy a sandwich for someone, remember it isn't just a sandwich He is asking you to give.  God works in so many ways and He even can change someone's life through a gift of a sandwich.       

Can we Trust Him?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Take a moment and read this verse carefully again. Read is as many times as you need to. Many of you may know this verse by heart. That's great! I want all of you to be honest with yourself. How much do you put your total trust in God without leaning on your own understanding? I'd say allof us in one way or another have struggled with putting our entire trust in God. I know that I have struggled with that. I want to know the why, how, when, and so forth.

God commands us to trust in Him. But why is it so hard sometimes? That is a question that only you can answer for yourself. I know that I often struggle with it because I'm someone that likes to have everything figured out. When I find myself at a seemingly dead end road my first reaction isn't usually the right one. Trusting God is something I have to work on and have worked on during these past several months of medical issues that have put me in a place I've never been in my life. I have struggled with all kinds of pain and phyisical weakness. But it has been through those times that God has proven Himself strong to me. I learn to trust God more in the darkest valleys. I need to keep saying to myself, God's got this! When I say that I feel so much more secured, and I can rest assured that He really has it all in His hands. When everything is going great in my life I forget much too quickly that I need to continue to depend on God for every little thing in life. But God knows what's best and He works everything out for the good. God promises that.

What I would like to do today is open up this blog as a prayer chain. I felt God giving me a tug on my heart to write this for a few days, and I know that He is going to use it. What I would like for you to do is pass this blog to people you know and keep it going.    Encourage them to write a comment on this blog about where they struggle with trusting in God, and/or what challenges are they facing today.  I would like you as well to write a comment sharing what areas or challenges do you struggle with trust and/or your challenges as well.   It can remain annoynomous by just entering your first name only or put the first letter of your name. However you want to address yourself is up to you. After you have shared, then write out a prayer for the person who commented ahead of you. The first person, if you could say a prayer for me, and whoever is the last person to comment I will say a prayer for you. Let's start a movement of getting more people to be in prayer for one another. I hope that you feel the tug of the Holy Spirit and do what He is asking you to do. That is my prayer for you.

God is Bigger than the Giants

It has been a rough couple of days.  Right now I am emotionally and physically exhausted.  I sometimes feel like I have nothing left.  I don't know if I can hear anymore disapointing news, because I don't know if I can handle it.  It has been an emotional roller coaster and there are those moments where I don't feel like riding it anymore.  I feel like I'm living my very own movie of "Facing the Giants."  Only it has nothing to do with football.  I have had many questions that don't feel like they've been answered.  I don't know if you want me to write something like this, but I've said this before; when I write a blog, it is honest, sometimes I lay it all out there and most of them I become vulnerable with.  But you know that I will also share the lesson learned, and there is a point that is made.  For those of you that are new readers, bare with me on this and I do hope you all read this one to the end and will feel encouraged by it.

It has been a rough year.  For a long time now it seems as though one battle has come after the other. I feel like the raging storms aren't still very often.  Even through the highest wave, and the strongest force, God has been fighting the battle for me.  Today God has given me a reminder that He is bigger than the "mean giants" of my life.  God is crushing those giants and no matter how hard they may try to break me, they can't.  My sister referred to me as being like a palm tree.  They are tall and flemsy trees that can bend far, but they are strong and no matter how far they bend the cannot be broken.  This is  metephorphically speaking.  I have been bent far and I don't feel like I can bend any further.  But I know I have to rely on God's promise to me that He will never give me more than I can bare.  I know that God is here with me.  The phrase I always say is true.  (God's got this.)  Though sometimes  the enemy causes me to wonder, he still can't destroy me.  There have been many people in my life that have tried to discourage me and tell me I'm not good enough or talented enough and many other discouraging words.  Maybe you have had the same thing happen to you.  You know what we can tell those people that try to knock us down?  If we were good enough, we wouldn't need God.  But we rely totally on God's strength to walk us through and lead us to what He calls us to do.  There is NOTHING impossible with God!  Absolutely NOTHING!  At the end of the movie, "Facing the Giants," that is the scripture that they quoted.  What everyone thought as an impossible situation, became possible through God's mighty power.  Even though the this time may be incredibly hard, I can rest assured that God is going to heal me, and the dreams that He planted on my heart are going to become a reality in His time.  Even though I have been struck down many times by physical problems, people downing me, laughing at me, and telling me I'm not smart enough, no matter what element the enemy will try to use to destroy me, I can't be destroyed and neither can you.  With God's power, ALLTHINGS are possible.

Here is a song, that I have heard recently and instantly became one of my favorites.  Listen to the words, and may the God of hope and all possibilities uplift you today.  Remember He's bigger than the giants in your life, and will crush them like a bug.  Just keep trusting in Him.

It's Only His Strength

Today, marks the three year anniversary of my official start with YWAM. I'm not going to beat around the bush here, so let me just say it has been a tough few years! I will also say it has been the best few years. There has been a lot God has led me through. He has strengthened my faith remarkably, and I have to say, I serve an awesome God. My story doesn't start at just three years ago, it starts from the very beginning of my life. I've had my share of hardships for as long as I can remember. There has been numorous trials such as surgeries, school struggles, tragic famiiy deaths and sickness, my own near death experience and more; now today, I'm struggling with more physical difficulties, working on walking again, and not having very much physical strength, it all has been very hard. I don't know why I have been taken away from San Diego for this long. I want to be out there in the streets sharing God's love. Why am I here? I've struggled with trying to understand the reasons and asking why is this happening. Though Jesus has always kept and continues to keep me going forward with a hope and joy in my heart. No matter what happens that can never be taken away from me. Jesus knows how I feel, in every circumstance. He has experienced every pain and trial and more suffering than anyone. He did that because He loves us so much. Jesus knows that this earth is full of suffering and trial, and He does understand. That is why I can keep going, because I have the strength of my everlasting Father carrying me through. I know that God is with me, He's got this. It has been one thing happening after another, and the enemy is trying so hard to get me down. I may be struck down but not destroyed, persecuted but not abandoned, I am more than a conqueror through Christ. These past few weeks I have been struggling a lot. The pain both emotionally and physically have gotten intense at times. Though I am not alone. It may feel like it at times, but God is there. His strength is what I need. God has been preparing me for the call He has placed on my heart. It is a passion that is so strong that I know God has given it to me. He has called me to love and serve the hurting and lost people. Be wants me to be able to minister to them, but also to have more of an understanding. How can I understand how someone who hurts feels, without going through it myself? God has given me the strength I need for each day, and the day is coming when I can return back to ministry. Though I may not be ministering in San Diego right now, God is still using me somehow. He is allowing me to touch more lives and help people. I don't always see it, but that is okay because it is not for me to know, it is for God to be glorified.

When does it Make Sense?

That is a question that I often think to myself. I've come to those times in life many times. I think I lost count to be honest with you. There has been times when I have said it just isn't fair. I don't understand why the road has turned in ways that weren't on my map. I probably will never understand completely why things happened the way they do. It has been a long time since I've written and shared with you all the latest on my life. I wasn't quite sure what to say since there hasn't been a ton of changes. However as I am writing this now, I felt God leading me to share more in depth about what's up. There have been those times that discouragement has sunk in. It honestly can be very hard at times to stay uplifted and find joy in tough circumstances. Sometimes I've felt totally blue. The times when I do is usually when I'm asking the big question of "why?." You know, there is no solid answer to that question. God allows me to have those "blue" moments, but He also brings me out of them. I have to remember that God sees the big picture and I don't. I may not see the purpose of this time of waiting and healing, but it is more than a time of waiting and healing, it is a time of preparation for what is yet to come. God has used me in ways that I don't always know, and He continues to. God has been working in me my entire life. My attitude should be Christ-minded and it is not my will but His will. The way that God uses me is for Him to be glorified. THrough all of the suffering and tough trials in life, I have the hope that, "Does not put me to shame, because God's love has been poured out into my heart through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to me." (Romans 5:5 emphasized) Though my attitude isn't always good, I want to always try to walk in the footsteps of Jesus and be like Him. My life has been filled with challenges, but God has been so faithful and He always will be. I don't always understand God's road map but I want to be sure that my map matches His. God is my navigator and the driver of my life. Even though it may look like we're stranded in the middle of no where, God knows where we're going, and I can throw my map out the window and trust that God will lead me through the mountains, the hail storms, and every where else. There is no better place to be than in the hands of my Savior.

Up, Down, Sideways,,& Every Which Way

Allow me to tell you my life story of the past couple months. No need to worry, it will be the quick version, then as always the lesson taught will be shared... so sit back, listen to the music and read along. Ready? OK, here it goes....

Mid-February, a weekend of severe pain. Two trips to the ER, first in San Diego, then home in Ontario. I was admitted to the hospital in Ontario for a few days. A week later, another round of pain in the low back and legs. That pain was new, so back to the ER for me. Admitted again, and the pain in the left leg especially persisted. I then lost my ability to walk. A week and a half later, a check-up with my neurologist, and primary doctor on the same day. While at my primary doctor's office, my body collapsed while sitting in my wheelchair. My doctor had no choice but to send me back to the ER, only this time by ambulance. Never been in one of them before. I spent 10 1/2 hours in the ER before the doctor decided to show up. That was a long and painful wait. When the doctor finally did show, he treated me like a I was an invalid child. Laura gave him a piece of her mind and we were all laughing at the fact that he ran out of the room and never to be seen again. I was admitted for the third time for a couple days. So that's the story in a nutshell.

What's up with me today? Well, I'm still learning to walk again. I've been in a wheelchair for about a month now. I"m getting stronger, but it has been a long process with physical therapy and exercises at home. I know why my dad referred to physical therapy as the torture chamber. It does help make me stronger but it does hurt. There hasn't been a real diagnosis to what has been the cause, other than bad side affects to the lumbar puncture and blood patch. I have continued to fight through the pain, in my legs, back, and abdominal area. My head has been it's normal self. It has been a month of frustrations and some discouraging times as well.

However, what I say often to myself is, "God's got this." That simple phrase says it all. No matter what doctors say to me, I'm not in their hands, I'm in God's hands. My life story has been about trust, patience, and endurance. God guides me and holds me through it all. He has a plan far greater than what I can imagine it to be. I know that God wants me to reach out to the hurting and lonely people of this world. He has called me to follow in His steps and walk in obedience to Him. It is painful, and it is hard, but with God on my side I can get through anything because, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

If you are struggling with pain of any kind today, know that you are not alone. Though it may seem like one dark tunnel ahead of you there is a light on the other side. One day you will reach that light. Trust in Jesus, He'll continue to light up your path and carry you through. No matter what you're going through, there is nothing that God can't handle. I understand it is a painful journey, but just remember that God's got this. If you need prayer, let me know how I can pray for you. Right now you can pray this prayer with me:

Father, the pain hurts. It hurts terribly. But oh how faithful you are. God I don't understand why it has been one thing after the other. I do know that You use each trial for a greater purpose. You promised me that. Please help me to trust You more. May I never forget that You are in control. Through all the storms of life You always lead the way. I can't remember a time when You weren't there for me. I can't remember a trial that You didn't comfort me. I know that no matter what You never will fail me. I love you Lord. I will continue to serve You until the day You call me home. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Struck Down But Not Destroyed

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you."

What a verse to absorb in our hearts. I mean wow. I don't know about you, but it sure speaks to me. it justs one of those that is so relevant to me, it has been for a long time, but everytime I hit rock bottom I come back to this verse. I am struck down, but I am not destroyed. I was hospitalized again two times just recently with very severe pain. When I say severe, I mean I wanted to die right then type of severe. It was brutal that's all I will say about that. I have been back home in Ontario this weekend after an all night stay in the ER Friday night. I came back to the ER very sick Sunday afternoon. I was released on Tuesday with a ton of meds. I was returned to the ER friday night for more severe pain and admitted again. I returned home on Wednesday. Now I can't walk and I have to be totally dependant on others, a wheelchair, and a walker. It is humbling, but really hard. Stuff I was so used to just getting up on my own to get, has become such a big deal. There are all these steps involved just getting to bed, or the kitchen table. The pain intensifies greatly when I stand. But in all of this I know that God is working it out for the good. I know there is a reason why I have to fight this battle. God is fighting it with me, and He is making me a warrior.

Back to the verse. Though the enemy is trying every force in the universe to strike me down, God has been fighting him for me and He has been my ultimate strength. He has been on my side through every battle of my life and there sure has been a lot of them. But you know, my faith continues to grow through every battle I face. Remember Simon from the crowd when Jesus was on His way to be crucified? He was the first man to pick up the cross and follow in the footsteeps of Jesus. Paul is one of my heroes in the Bible, Stephen is my other one. Paul was one of the greatest missionaries in history. If you read the Bible, there are many stories that tell about Paul's journey and the hardships he had, but what faith he had. When he wrote the theme verse of this journal entry, I can almost feel his heart as he was writing it. He continued to give God the glory through every storm and every blessing of his life. Now Stephen another great man of faith was called home early in his life because he refused to deny his faith in Christ. He was stoned to death because of it, but Jesus was right there with him.

Though I've faced trial after trial mainly with family deaths, health problems, and other stuff, God has been right there. Like God has given the strength to every other man and women of faith in the Bible and other people in history, He has done the same with me. The narrow road is a tough one. To be a true follower of Christ doesn't mean a pain free life. The Bible tells us we will have many troubles. Some have more than others, but nonetheless we all have our own cross to carry. What do you do when you are struck by the enemy's sword? Get down on your knees and pray. Get into God's Word and cry out to Him. He promises to carry us through and to never leave our side. I will be honest it is so hard for me right now. The pain is very intense, and I am worn out. But you know, I will continue to let God be in control of my life. Jesus in the driver and I'm hanging on for it is one wild ride. But no matter what, I will not stop serving my Savior, and I will continue to carry the cross and follow in the footsteps of my Savior, Jesus Christ. For He is with me always to the very end of days. Until God calls me home I will continue to tell the world of His great love throughout those city streets.

Bumpy Roads

Sometimes I can get pretty sick of going over those bumps that come along my path. You know what I mean? Have you ever felt that way? Sometimes my attitude is like, "can't I just get through stuff without so many hurdles?" Is it okay if I be honest here? I mean I like to be real when I write. I write what is on my heart, and I love to share what God teaches me because that is a lot! I always think of Hebrews 12:1 I feel like that is the theme verse of my life, because it says we must throw off everything and run with perseverance. It gets rather difficult sometimes to keep running when you're tired and your heart is burning. But we never have to run in our own strength. God gives us the strength to run each race, and He promises that He will never leave us. What do we do when we have an attitude of I just can't do it anymore? Maybe you feel just plain sick of running and moving forward. We are human, and sometimes we do feel that way don't we? It is okay, but when we are tempted to have that sour attitude, we have to seek God and ask Him to help us turn it around. Something that I like to do when my heart is downcast and I feel really low with a rotten attitude I like to stop and think about all that I have.

I have many blessings. It helps me to stop and think about that. I also like to read the Psalms because David writes so much about what he is feeling. I can relate to a lot of it and I like to make it personal and pray those Psalms. God wants us to pray what is on our hearts, and He is always there to listen anytime day or night. When I spend my time focussing on God and how much He loves me and spend less time feeling sorry for myself, it feels as though I have had an attitude turn-around and everything becomes so much greater. So when you face that bump in the road it is your choice on how you handle it. I enourage you to be real about it. Talk to God about how you are feeling, and you may want to find a trusted friend and allow them to be your prayer warrior. That is one of the greatest blessings you can have is someone who will pray with you, and more than that a heavenly Father who will always be there listening to your cries. You can find shelter in His arms. So turn on some encouraging worship music, lay your head back, and allow yourself to melt away in the arms of Jesus. There is no greater place to be.