"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you."
What a verse to absorb in our hearts. I mean wow. I don't know about you, but it sure speaks to me. it justs one of those that is so relevant to me, it has been for a long time, but everytime I hit rock bottom I come back to this verse. I am struck down, but I am not destroyed. I was hospitalized again two times just recently with very severe pain. When I say severe, I mean I wanted to die right then type of severe. It was brutal that's all I will say about that. I have been back home in Ontario this weekend after an all night stay in the ER Friday night. I came back to the ER very sick Sunday afternoon. I was released on Tuesday with a ton of meds. I was returned to the ER friday night for more severe pain and admitted again. I returned home on Wednesday. Now I can't walk and I have to be totally dependant on others, a wheelchair, and a walker. It is humbling, but really hard. Stuff I was so used to just getting up on my own to get, has become such a big deal. There are all these steps involved just getting to bed, or the kitchen table. The pain intensifies greatly when I stand. But in all of this I know that God is working it out for the good. I know there is a reason why I have to fight this battle. God is fighting it with me, and He is making me a warrior.
Back to the verse. Though the enemy is trying every force in the universe to strike me down, God has been fighting him for me and He has been my ultimate strength. He has been on my side through every battle of my life and there sure has been a lot of them. But you know, my faith continues to grow through every battle I face. Remember Simon from the crowd when Jesus was on His way to be crucified? He was the first man to pick up the cross and follow in the footsteeps of Jesus. Paul is one of my heroes in the Bible, Stephen is my other one. Paul was one of the greatest missionaries in history. If you read the Bible, there are many stories that tell about Paul's journey and the hardships he had, but what faith he had. When he wrote the theme verse of this journal entry, I can almost feel his heart as he was writing it. He continued to give God the glory through every storm and every blessing of his life. Now Stephen another great man of faith was called home early in his life because he refused to deny his faith in Christ. He was stoned to death because of it, but Jesus was right there with him.
Though I've faced trial after trial mainly with family deaths, health problems, and other stuff, God has been right there. Like God has given the strength to every other man and women of faith in the Bible and other people in history, He has done the same with me. The narrow road is a tough one. To be a true follower of Christ doesn't mean a pain free life. The Bible tells us we will have many troubles. Some have more than others, but nonetheless we all have our own cross to carry. What do you do when you are struck by the enemy's sword? Get down on your knees and pray. Get into God's Word and cry out to Him. He promises to carry us through and to never leave our side. I will be honest it is so hard for me right now. The pain is very intense, and I am worn out. But you know, I will continue to let God be in control of my life. Jesus in the driver and I'm hanging on for it is one wild ride. But no matter what, I will not stop serving my Savior, and I will continue to carry the cross and follow in the footsteps of my Savior, Jesus Christ. For He is with me always to the very end of days. Until God calls me home I will continue to tell the world of His great love throughout those city streets.
