True Meaning of Christmas

This is definitely a Christmas unlike any other. One that I will never forget. But as I think of the meaning of Christmas this year I can't help to look at it a total different perspective. I am grateful for the love of Christ, and Him coming to Earth as a baby and growing up, and suffering and dying for us all. There is no greater love than that. How great it is to celebrate Christmas every year, and reflect on God's everlasting love for us all, but it should not only be remembered at Christmas time, but all year long.
Now as I look at all the people around me in Mexico, I see a lot of hurting, and lost people. As I look around in my hometown, home state, and home country, I see the same. Thousands of hurting people, are all around me. Everywhere I go. What I am thinking is about how Jesus came into the world to serve. He came to pour love on us all.
We always say the saying what would Jesus do? He'd be going out to the poor, the brokenhearted, and He'd be that shoulder to cry on, the hand to hold on to, and He was a friend. So what I want to do, I don't just want to celebrate Christmas time but I want to live Christmas. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Following in His steps, is my church's mission statement, I want to fulfill that. I don't just want to say it, I want to live it.
The true meaning of Christmas means more to me now than it ever has. To actually be out of the hustle bustle of the Christmas season, and to stay back and be still. Reflecting on God's love, and living it. Christmas is not about the gifts and all the prettyness. We all give gifts to each other at Christmas time, but what gift can we give to Jesus? Afterall it is His birthday. I give Him my hands, I give Him my feet, my mouth, and my heart. I give it all to Him so He can use it the way He wants. Jesus came into the world to serve others, to love on others, and I want to be here to do the same. My life is all about Him.
I sit here in Mexico amazed. I'm amazed at how God can take one very shy and intimidated person, and totally use them for His glory. Taking them outside the box, outside the comfort zone, stretching them to things that they never thought would ever be possible. Putting dreams into their heart, and fulfilling them. Taking every trial and pain and turning it around as a testimony. Turning it into something far greater than what they could have imagined happening. God is changing me... He has made the impossible, possible. He has made me into someone that other people said I'd never could do. He has made me into someone I never thought could happen. The beautiful picture is being formed. I'm living proof that there is nothing too big for God to handle. I stand amazed on how wonderful my God is. I wish you a wonderful Christmas, and it is my prayer that you share the true meaning of Christmas. Not just to remember it now, but to share it and live it all year long.

Outreaches are out

The outreach teams have departed. It is so quiet here on base right now! I'm really getting anxious about my outreach to San Fran in a couple days. Before I go I am helping out on base. Since there are only a few people on base right now, there are only a few helpers. There are a couple of teams coming in a few days, and the rooms need to be prepared for them. The gal that is in charge of that has been stressing out because there isn't anyone to help. So I was asked if I'd be willing. Even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes, there is still a purpose for me still being here. But it is also a great time to have some great quiet time with God, and to just prepare my heart for what He has in store for me.
I really feel that He has something big stirred up, and is going to use me in big ways. Just a couple weeks ago, I was reading the Bible in my personal devotional time. Before I opened the Word I said a prayer, that God would speak to me, directly, and open up my heart to His will and what He wants me to do. I opened the Bible up to Ezekiel 2. Where it talks about him going to the land to speak to the people. God says it quite a few times not to be afraid of the people or what they will say. He talks about them being rebelious, but still do not be afraid and to speak to the people what God will tell you. Then it says you are not being sent to a land of difficult language. That struck me because one of the hardest things to learn here has been Spanish. I was getting very discouraged because I couldn't talk to the Mexican people here directly, and vice versa. It is my desire to witness to people and to tell them about Jesus, but I want to be able to talk to them and for them to understand me. God wants to speak through me, and He is making it clear that He wants me in the cities of my own language. However I still want to learn Spanish, and I am still going to keep working on that. Hopefully someday I will be able to be proficient at it.
I just thought wow God, you answered that prayer in an incredible way. It was pretty direct, and God spoke right to me in that passage. I am praying already for the people that God will be placing in my path, and that they just are open to hear what God has to say to them. I pray that God will speak through me and give me the boldness I need to reach out to these people. A lot of times people in the heart of the city are rough, there are places of poverty, homeless, drug wars, human trafficing, and so much more, and yes they are rebellious, they are tough, and they can be pretty scary. But God says it over and over again to not be afraid of them or what they may say. God promises us all that He is with us, and protecting us. Let me ask you something... if we don't go up to these people because we're afraid how are they going to hear about God's Word? Those who are lost, are not usually the nicest people in the world, and many of them are going to mock us for spreading the gospel, but should that stop us? Absolutely not. We can not back down because they may scare us. I am speaking for myself here, I must not I repeat I must not back down from them, but extend a hand, be a friend and be the hands and feet of Jesus, where He wants me. Let me give you a motto that I gave myself: If God wants me somewhere, He will protect me there. It is much safer to be in the place of God's will than it is to be in the prettiest neighborhood and not in God's will. Who did Jesus hang out with? Think about that one. It wasn't the wealthy people who thought they were better than everyone else, it was the poor and broken hearted. Jesus was a servant, and set the example on how we should live.
That being said, as I prepare for my trip to San Francisco, I must keep that as a reminder for myself. It is going to be hard at times, and scary too, but I have Someone watching over me, and He will never let me go. God is confirming it where He wants me. Do you think I know how it is all going to unfold? Of course not. God won't be showing me the whole picture. All I know is God is saying walk this way, and I will guide you one step at a time. Trust Me, I know what I'm doing. So here I go once again. I'm in for a wild ride, again. There will be plenty more to follow, but I don't regret it. There is nothing greater than to be serving God in such a powerful way. Through the pain and through the joy I'm living it up for Him and Him alone.

Hi Everybody!! I went to San Diego this weekend, because of an appointment on Monday. Was supposed to come back Monday, but the ride didn't come so I stayed an extra night. But hung out with some of the San Diego staff, and spent the night at one of their houses. So it's all good. The great thing about YWAM is you can do those things because everyone is like one big family. Today I went to the office and helped out someone there. Someone came up from Ensenada, and so I was able to come back today. I'm getting to know the staff more and more in San Diego. Someone came up to me, and she knew who I was. People seemed to have heard a lot about me around here. It's a good thing, it's good to get to know these folks more and more, especially because I am feeling the nudge to stick around for a while :). Hopefully after all the doctors stuff is over with I can be a YWAMer for long term.
I'm still talking about what I'm doing on outreach. It sounds like it can be anywhere in CA. But as much as there are places that sound totally awesome, and fun to go to, like San Francisco. I have to remember that I still am in God's will. I cannot choose places based on what I want. It's got to be what God wants and nothing else. My heart needs to be in the attitude on what would God want me to do, how does God want to use me, and what is He going to teach me on my outreach. Why does God want me on my own special outreach? What makes me so special, that God would choose something just for me to do? My passion is the city, and I feel God wants me in the city. But which one? I have felt that God doesn't want me to choose just one and stay there forever. I really believe God wants to use me in various places, around the world. Now I've already had the thoughts of does this sound crazy or what! How can I be used in ways like that, when most of you who know me, would think of me as the biggest chicken. God uses the people you'd least suspect to do powerful things. God made me the way I am for a reason, He knows I'm shy, but He also knows my heart, and all of the situations that I face. He knows them before I do. So if God places something so strongly on my heart, I cannot back down because it sounds insane.
A few weeks ago one of the speakers told us, eventually we will come to a point where it is going to be very hard. It is going to be down to where you feel you have nothing left. Where you want to quit and say forget it. The battle is defeating me, and I just don't have anymore strength. I did come to that point actually, where I did say the words I just can't do it anymore. I have nothing left. But you know what? God uses the weak and makes them strong. He chooses the people that others will say about them, there is no way so and so will ever do this, or how in the world are they ever going to succeed. God uses the people who you'd never suspect because it is His power that works through them. When God uses them people see how awesome God really is. If God only uses people who are outgoing, and good at reaching out to everybody, and uses them to only do that stuff, then how do others see God work? God uses them in ways that people think they would never do. Bottom line is, God is way out of the box, and thinks bigger than we do. He works powerfully in each of us, and will continue to if we continue to surrender to Him. God has continued to work in me, and told me I am not through with you yet. I have bigger plans for you far greater that what you have dreamed of. You're a fighter, and I love you, keep running the race of faith, during the times when it hurts, don't lose heart. I have carried you through all your trials in the past, and I will continue to do so now and forever more. You're my princess, and I have chosen you. Don't let others discourage you, for I did not place the dreams in their hearts I placed them in yours. Where you go I will be with you, and I will never leave you. You will face battles but know that each battle you've faced and each battle you're going to face, your character is being built. Your faith is being strengthened, and My Name is being glorified. I'm using you through everything and there is someone out there who needs to hear your story, and how My power has been working through you. There is more than just someone there are thousands who need to hear your story, and thousands who need to hear about Me. I want you to reach to those people, and do not be afraid. For I am with you and I will always be with you. I am your Father and your God. I created you, and you are not a mistake, and never let anyone tell you differently. So keep going My daughter, I will fight for you, just keep being who I called you to be.
I just felt God has placed those words on my heart, and that He will be watching over me. So I must not quit when things get hard, I must cling harder to His promises, and His everlasting love. God is forever with me and that is a promise, and something that can never be taken away from me.

It keeps right on rolling

Well I must say life just keeps moving no matter where you are. The speaker this week has been great, and challenging too. It has been on spiritual warfare, and that is a powerful topic. A lot of times when we think of it, it can sounds a little frightening. I mean it is something that is so real, but so many Christians ignore it, or don't think much about it. We are in the Light, and protected by the enemies schemes, but there are so many people in this world who aren't. So what are we going to do about it? Is there anything we can do? Not exactly, it is not what we can do, it is what God will do through us. Since we have Jesus living in us we have the power to fight the spiritual darkness in the world. We are followers of Christ, we are armed and fabulous... okay I just love saying that, but for real we are armed with God's Armor. The belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, sword of the spirit, helmet of salvation, shield of faith, and the boots of readiness. What is there to be afraid of? We are all sons and daughters of the most powerful being in the universe... the One who can handle anything, and the One where there is nothing impossible. We are under the wings of God almighty, King of kings, Lord of lords, our Savior and Friend. Now I don't know about you but I know there is nothing more comforting than that, nothing else that I ever need. God's power is in me... His power is in you. With His presence with us, we can fight the battles, and stand up against the war that is in the world. The war that is more powerful than the war in the Middle East, and a war that cannot be fought with planes, and bombs, it's a war that is fought through the truth. The Light against the darkness.

God is leading me through the battles I'm fighting right now. Now I've had my share of them, and I must say they are painful. But you know what? I am not going to let doctors hold me down, I am not going to let medical situations hold me back from God's dreams in my life. There is nothing that is going to keep me from being who God wants me to be. I have to keep going, keep running. At this point during the race it when the heart starts to burn. When I feel like I can't run another step. But I will keep running. I'm not at the finish line yet. So even though things did not go the way I'd hoped, I'm not going to lose hope. I won't lose heart, I won't quit. I have to give my all, and I have to hold on to all that God has promised me. I'm not speaking just about myself here, but you have to do the same in whatever situation you may be in. I will be the first to tell you that life hurts at times. Life just does not make sense. But God is so faithful through every painful moment. He gives grace to you to keep going. He gives you strength. But through every dark moment, there will be a light at the end. There is always a hope, and that hope is found only through the blood of Jesus Christ. Remember that whatever you're going through Jesus is going through it with you. He feels your pain, He hear's your cry. Even when it feels like no one else does, He does. When every one else is getting geared up for such an exciting event, and you feel like the outcast, count it as a blessing. You are the outcast because God has chosen you! He has something extra special for you, and something that only you can do!! That is so exciting isn't it?! So join with me in the race of faith, and keep running. When your heart starts to burn, pray, sing, and read the Word. God will carry you, He will comfort you. Jesus is your Poweraide... and He gives you the strength to keep moving.

The Ups and Downs

Going from not feeling well, to ending up in the hospital is not what I had in mind on my journey. But that is what happened. I was taken to San Diego to see the doctor, was sent to the ER, then admitted. The night was long, I laid there awake, wondering what I was doing there. What was wrong with me. Here I am supposed to be on a journey of a lifetime and I'm laying in this hospital bed. I had several blood tests, x-rays, CT scan, and an MRI. The MRI showed that I had the condition called chauri malformation type 1. It basically is a condition in the neck. My head is too small, the brain is being compressed, and the area were there is supposed to be fluid it is dry. What does that mean? Well, Southern Mexico is out, and I can go on a local outreach closer by. After DTS most likely a surgery, a major, painful surgery, plus the ear also will need to be done after that sometime. But you know it is not something I can't bare. I've had several surgeries and that is not the part that I think about the most. I don't even care anymore about it, they just don't scare me like they used to. But what does is the unknowns again. What does this mean for me? I don't know. I just don't know what God has in mind for me. I know that He wants me to be a missionary. I know He has a plan in all of this, and that He works everything for good, and everything happens for a reason. I'd love to say I'm doing great, but on the inside I'm a mess, I've been going up and down these past couple weeks. I just want to follow God's call for my life, and feel like I'm facing one battle after the other. This one was a hard one. One that I just didn't see coming. But again I'm reminded God works it all out for His glory, His purpose, and His perfect plan. With God the battle will be fought, the enemy will be defeated. The more I strive the follow God's call for my life, the harder the enemy works to get me down. But God will not leave me, and He will still lead me to the end. Each and every step is a step of faith, and sometimes the next step is crazy. People call me crazy, and even those that are close to me may not understand... but God gave me a dream, and a call, and a call I must follow. I know it deep down in my heart that I'm supposed to keep going, and that is what I want to do. I will endure the surgeries, I will run the race with perseverance, and it will all be for God's glory.