DTS Final Week, Graduation, and Coming Home

Yep, I'm now home. It has been so crazy this last week that I didn't have any time to write up a blog entry.
It was an amazing week. We had a bond fire on the beach together, and hung out with each other for the final time. Graduation was great, but very hard too. Honestly it was an emotional week and I have been going through a pretty hard time. I didn't get much sleep last week, so adding over tiredness to mixed emotions, adds up to even more ups and downs. On our graduation night, I spoke about my outreach and all the things God did through me during my time in San Francisco. God did a lot through me, and He has showed me what it is He wants me to do for the rest of my life. I'm called to serve in city ministry, and after the doctor sitiuations are behind me, and I'm healed up, I plan on serving in fulltime ministry. Right now I'm praying about where it is God wants me to go. I have a pretty strong nudge that He wants me in San Diego, but I want to keep praying about it, and meditating on it before making any discisions.
Now I'm home, and I'm adjusting to everything again. I must adimit it is pretty hard for me. Reverse culture shock, has hit me big time, and it is something that not many of you understand. Things just don't feel the same as they did before.
But this last 5 months have been the greatest and hardest 5 months of my life. God has completely transformed my life in an incredible way. I have seen and heard so much, and some of it has been great, and other things have been very painful. The stories I've heard from various homeless people, prostitutes, alcoholics, and the drugged, have hit me hard. I can't even tell them without getting tears in my eyes. One guy I witnessed rolling up his drugs getting ready to smoke them. He told me he just doesn't know how to quit. I just looked at him and smiled, and said do you know how much God loves you. He loves you so much that He sent His Son to die for you. Your sins have been forgiven. It's okay to struggle, God gives you the strength to carry through. I asked him if I could pray over him. I just prayed for God to work in his heart, and to take away his addictions, and many other things. But anyways after I said Amen I looked at him and his eyes were full of tears. I asked him if he feels valuable, and if he has a purpose in his life. He told me not really. He basically feels totally worthless. I looked right at him and said you do have a purpose, and you are very much loved. Don't ever forget that. This is just one of many stories I can tell you.
My heart has been broken, and it will never be the same again. I mean this in a good way. I'm ruined for God, and I can never go back to the way things were. I want to keep serving, and now I know more than ever that I'm in the place God wants me. I'm doing what it is He wants me to do. Forever I am changed.

The Change of a Lifetime

I am sitting back here in Mexico, getting reunited with everyone, sharing stories, and hanging out. We have our debreifing this week, and a time to reflect on all of what God has done in us and through us.
As I reflect on everything from the very first day until now, I can see how much my life has changed. I have learned so much about God, and His character, and how much He has worked in me. How He has led me through everything, good and bad. I've learned more and more about what it is God is calling me to do. I read a couple weeks ago in my journal and it was about the goals that I have on this missionary journey. This is a special journal just for this, and I have started writing in it quite a while before I started my DTS. To my surprise a lot of the things God has led me to and I actually had the opportunity to do the things that I said I wanted to do. I said I wanted to reach out to the homeless people somehow, and tell them how much their Savior loves them. I wanted to see tough guys be real, and give their lives over to Christ. I've had a compassionate heart for the lost and hurting people, and it is amazing how God worked everything out just perfectly to where He wanted to use me in powerful ways.
I can recall a time a few years ago when I was back home. I was out with my mom and sister at Walgreens, and outside of the store stood and mother and daughter. They didn't have very much, and they were asking for money for food. We told them we didn't have any money for it really isn't a good idea just to give people on the streets money, for a lot of times they spend it on drugs or alcohol. So we told them, we can bring them some food instead, for we were on our way home to make some hamburgers. They said okay, but they didn't really think we'd actually come back. So after we finished barbequing we wrapped up the hamburgers and were going to bring them to them. When we got back to Walgreens they weren't there anymore. I insisted we keep looking for them, for they couldn't have gotten far. We drove around for a little while, and we ended up finding them at Albertsons. You should have seen the looks on their faces. They were pretty surpised that we actually took the time to find them. We were able to share Jesus with them. They were very grateful and smiled at us, and we then went back home.
That experience was just the very beginning step of what God has been preparing for me. God sent me to San Francisco, to where I was exposed every kind of person imaginable. I loved talking to everyone. When I first arrived I was scared to death. I wasn't sure what I was getting into for nobody really told me anything about the ministry. I looked it up online but that was only a touch about all the things they do. As the days moved on though I knew God was really working in me here, and I felt comfortable talking to all of these people. I had a few bite my head off, and some that didn't want to talk, but for the most part they all wanted someone to talk to.
My life has forever been changed by this experience. I have been going through so much here, and through all the hard times God has never left my side. My faith has been strengthened, and I have learned to trust in God more and more. For sometimes when the hard wave hits life can just go crazy. I've had a few waves crush me pretty hard, to the point where I said I don't want to do this anymore. The enemy has been fighting so hard to get me down, but God has been fighting harder. I know that I have to keep walking in faith, taking every step in obedience. It's not easy, and I'm sure there will be more hard times, but like the times before, I've come out stronger in my relationship with Christ, and it has been a rewarding experience as well.

Final Day in Frisco...

Today is my last day here in this city, for tomorrow I will be boarding a plane heading back to San Diego, and driving down into Mexico. What a journey it has been. It certainly has not been an easy one by any means, but my life has forever been changed. God's amazing power has worked in me in so many ways I can't even begin to describe it all. God has brought me through a road all about faith, trust, endurance, motivation, patience, and completely surrendering to Him. He has showed me what love really is. God has given me such a passion, and inspite of every hardship, trial, change and everything else it took to get to this point, I'm glad that I went through it all, for it was indeed for His glory.
My life has been a journey... but every step of the way God has been there. God had my life planned and formed before I even took a breath. I'm living in God's will, and following Him. Friday night, I had an awesome priviledge to hear one of my favorite speakers from DTS. His message struck me hard, for it is something that I totally related to. I believe it was God's divine appointment, for me, and He wanted me there that night. The message was about following God, and to not get discouraged when it seems as all of Hell breaks loose. It was about Paul... how he was lead by God to go certain places, but ended up with so much hardship, persecution, beatings, and imprisoned. How God showed His power when Paul was in prison, and a mighty earthquake broke the prison walls. But nobody left.
God's hands were in that just as God's hands are on my life. We were challenged with the fact that when we go through hard times people are watching us, and seeing how we react when trials come in our paths. It is a challenge yes indeed, but I know that no matter what happens, I need to keep my eyes on Jesus. Trust Him completely for He knows what He is doing. YWAM's mission statement is to know God and to make Him known. Last night we heard a song by that title written for YWAM's 50th anniversary. It was a beautiful song.
One of the lines in that song hit me..."sometimes I wonder is that really you God, for the challenge sounds extreme." God has been speaking to me and yes I've been wondering if that has really been Him. For God is calling me into places, where it sounds way too big for me. The challenges are huge, and I can go on and on. But one of the biggest lessons I've learned here in DTS is never under estimate God's power. For there is nothing God can't do through me, and nothing that is impossible with Him. I am challenged to keep fighting for my King, and serving Him with everything I have. Going to the places He calls me to, and letting Him provide for everything. Not to be afraid of what lies ahead of me, but ato plow through it with confidence and knowing that God is running by my side. I've heard over and over again people doubting me and making me feel like there is no way I can ever do anything that I've said I've felt called to do, but you know what, they can doubt me all they want, for it is not me who will be doing any of it. God will be doing the work through me. People can doubt all they want but nothing is going to keep me from serving God, and being who HE wants me to be.
God is moving in me, and my heart races at the thought of all of it. The fire is burning inside of me. There is so much more ahead of me, and I will not quit. I am standing strong for my King, and God's strength is perfect. "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13. That verse was also my 8th grade graduation verse, and also one of my life verses.
The journey is not over, DTS is almost over, but my life of serving God, will keep going until the day He calls me Home. I'm a missionary for Him, and I'm going into the world to tell about His amazing love.

Fear Not

I have talked people here in San Fran that many of you would probably run from. I have heard their stories, I have heard their pain. They are messed up, they smoke heroin, marijuana, other drugs, many have been drunk, many smell, they talk to themselves, stare into space, walk aimlessly, and I can go on and on with the different types of people I've talked to. But I have no fear when I do. I feel joy in my heart, and God's presence is right there with me. God speaks the words right through me, to reach these people. Today I was talking to a man who is not all with it at all. He's bipolar, smokes marijuana, and doesn't make a whole lot of sense when he talks. But you know I liked talking with him. A couple weeks ago he asked me to pray for him. He is my friend. I have quite a few street friends here, and when I walk up the street I do say hi. I talk to the people I come across. It is really an awesome thing. God is moving through me here, He is moving in this city, and lives are being transformed.
I get tired of people thinking that I'm not safe here, or safe in Mexico, or wherever I may be. These people on the streets, the people in Mexico, they're God's children too. They need a friend just like you and I need a friend. I can't imagine sitting on the sidewalks day in and day out without people even noticing me. That would make me feel completely worthless. I'm sure that is the feeling the people on the streets feel, I'm sure they feel like trash, and like they have no purpose at all. I've asked them... they flat out told me, that they don't feel valuable, that they don't have a purpose in life. Today the man I was talking to said to me, "The place you have running here, it gives me a place to go, a place where I feel like I belong. I'd just be roaming the streets if you weren't here." That hit me. Many things have already. My time here has given me a confirmation that this is what God wants me to do. God has been moving in me here. He has spoken to me, many times. I feel Him leading me, and I am getting some nudges of what I'm supposed to do.
I have read in my personal journal entries, and I've had a heart for these people for a very long time. Those who are lost, those who are hurting, and feel hopeless. I have such a passion to reach out to them. To give them a hope, and a place where they can feel accepted. God is working in my heart and He has given me this huge passion, and a dream. I don't know how it's all going to unfold, and I can't see the whole picture, but I feel it deep in my heart that God is leading me in this direction. God is reminding me to keep moving forward, and stepping out in faith. I am not supposed to have it all figured out. God will be showing me what He wants me to do step by step.
God will be by my side every step of the way. He will continue to give me those divine appointments, and I will continue to reach out to these people with no fear. For I have nothing to fear because God is always watching over me. So where God calls me to go next, I will not let fear stop me. I will go where He calls me.

Moving Forward in Faith One Step at a Time

"Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter our our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the thrown of God." Hebrews 12:1
I have to say, the race I've been running certainly has not been an easy one. There has been many hurdles along the way. But as I look at this verse, I am reminded that I must keep running this race. Keep my eyes on Jesus and my heart totally surrendered to Him. I am reminded that my Heavenly Father is watching over me... and He is running right by my side. I still remember the series my church did on faith one year ago. I think of all the heroes of faith that have gone before me. From Abraham, to Moses, David, Paul, to my dad, and grandparents. I think of them all sitting in the Heavenly grandstands cheering me on. I hear my Heavenly Father say to me, you can do it My child, I will always be with you. I know your fears, I know you feel afraid of what is lying ahead of you. But fear not, for I have already gone before you. You are My child, and you are in the palms of My hands. Don't worry, I feel your pain, I hear your cries. I endured the cross for you. You are mine, and I want you to cry on my shoulders. Tell Me all your fears, all your struggles, give Me your burdens. Know that there isn't anything too big for Me.
I must keep running, I must not loose heart. I think of the surgeries coming up, especially the neck. Yes it does scare me, I'll be honest. I don't know what to expect, or how it's going to feel. But I know that God has already gone ahead of me. He knows and He also will be with me. I think of Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
I must keep going, run and face the hurdles, the hurdles of more surgeries, the hurdles of the unknowns, remembering that God will give me the strength to get through the hurdles. God will provide for me, and He will ease my pain. God wil show me what He wants me to do, lead me to the place He wants me to go. Faith is not about knowing what lies ahead. Faith is going ahead, without knowing. Faith is trusting in God, and Him alone. Stepping forward, without seeing what the next step is going to be. Allowing Jesus to be the Light. Allowing Him to take the lead. Having the hope that Jesus is Lord and Savior of all. He is the almighty, my strength, my Comforter, He is my Healer.
I give God my life. I will continue to serve Him this way. For I know this is what He wants me to do. Who said that serving God was easy? Who said that there wouldn't be any pain? Nobody. Serving God does involve pain, it does involve sorrow. But it gives joy, it gives peace. God gives me what I need, and He gives me endurance, and strength. God gave me life, He has blessed me, and in everything I've gone through God has never left my side. No matter how hard it may get, no matter how much suffering the race will involve, I will not quit. With God on my side, with Him carrying me through, there is nothing else I need. I need to lean harder and harder on Him and Him alone. Keep standing on the promises, and shining in the darkness. Let the Light shine out of me, and not to be afraid of what people may think of me.
I love Jesus Christ with all my heart, and I give my life completely to Him. I will keep looking ahead, and following in His steps, all the days of my life.
"To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps." 1 Peter 2:21