I would say every person who ever lived, and everyone who lives today has at one point or another asked the question of why. Maybe not in English. Maybe you asked por que? Maybe waarom? Or how about 為什麼呢？ Well whatever language you choose, I think you get the picture. We have all wondered why this or that at some point in our lives. Perhaps it is daily. Or perhaps it is often enough where you can go back and remember the last time. Time and place is not the point here.
Your next question now is probably, what is my point. Well, I am glad that you asked. I have found myself asking why to a lot of things lately. The past month has be a tough one. This whole year actually, but more so it feels that this month has put a number on me. I have been struggling emotionally a lot it seems like lately. Stress and pain have both increased over the past few weeks. I wonder sometimes why it feels like my life right now feels like a train wreck. Last year around this time is when this whole journey started. It was then where I have been in and out of the hospital, bound to a wheelchair for months (I praise God, I am now out of it.), struck by a lot of pain, not being able to ride a bike, (Okay, I love riding bike, and I tried it out a couple weeks ago, and it didn't go over so well!), not being able to walk the city streets and sharing the love of Christ to my homeless friends, and I will end the list here, but you get what I'm saying. It has been hard. Sometimes I have days where I feel really down. I sometimes have days where I don't feel like getting out of bed. I feel like screaming sometimes. Sad part is, I have tried screaming and my voice goes out! I have had times where I have asked God why.
God has answered my why question through His Word. Two passages come to mind as I write this blog, the passages that God has given me to read and remind me of.
2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
These are two verses that God whispers in my ear daily. God answers my "why" in a better way than I expect. Even though right now the waves of the storm are high and I don't know what my next step is going to be, I can always be certain of this, that is Jesus is always in the same boat. Jesus calms the raging storms that seem so out of control. He wipes every tear away from my eyes. Jesus heals my broken heart. Jesus knows my pain and He cares. Romans 8:28 tells me that God is working everything out for the good. God is using me now and is using my journey to prepare me for what is next in my life. God is my eternal Rock, my fortress, my deliverer. God knows what is best for me. God also has my entire life planned out. As I look back on this year alone, I already see how God has walked me through and He has blessed me with some amazing people whom I love very much. Both my family and church family have been a huge support. I have met people whom have become some great friends and prayer warriors of mine and I would not have met them if it weren't because of everything that has happened this last year. I have also grown closer to God and God reminds me that throughout all the trials in my life my faith does get strengthened. I have said this to some of my family and a couple great friends that if it wasn't for the trials I don't think I would have as strong of a faith. Not only that, but I wouldn't know how to have such a strong compassin and love for hurting people. That is just one example of how God uses my trials for the good and for His glory. God wants me to have a strong and close relationship with Him. I am an image bearer of God, meaning that God wants Hm to reflect off of me and be made known to others. Jesus has suffered so much for me, and like it says in James, I need to count it pure joy when I endure sufferings of any kind.
When I am down, God picks me back up. He reminds me it is okay to be sad and have feelings. He also reminds me of everything I just wrote. God will always be there for me. Even if I feel rejected by people, God says that He will never reject me, leave me or stop loving me. God will always be my provider. I am blessed. I know that God is as work in me. I will keep clinging to Him. Though right now hurts so much, I have an inner joy that can never be taken away. Even if everything in my life is taken away, Jessus Christ cannot ever be taken from me no matter what. I will keep living for my King through the calm AND through the storms.
