The surgery is now behind me. It was a large surgery, but it went well. Now I'm home resting and regaining my strength. I have been in quite a bit of pain, and have been weak. I have had to use a walker for the time being, because I can't walk well on my own. I have been healing and making small improvements each day.
This has taught me to be patient with myself. I can't push myself right now, because I'm not strong enough to do a whole lot. That is hard for me because I'm used to having my strength and being able to do a lot of things without any problems. Learning to have others do things for me all the time has been a challenge for me. But I seem to be doing pretty well considering.
I am glad the surgery is now behind me. I praise God for opening up an earlier date, not only that, but also for the surgery starting earlier than the scheduled time. That amazed me really because, my surgeries in the past have mostly been later than the scheduled time. God answered all your prayers about it starting sooner. Now as I lay low recovering for the next several weeks, I don't want to forget all that God has done for me. Even though sometimes being down can make me very discouraged, I don't want to allow it to take over.
I believe God has many things in store for me, and now that the surgery is done, it will allow me to go further because things have been corrected physically. I know there is so much God has planned for me in my life, and I want to be sure I continue to follow Him, and do His will. God wants me to use all the hard times in my life for His glory. Meaning tell others about it, share with them what God has been doing, and how awesome He is. God has placed a passion on my heart to reach out to those who are really hurting both physically and mentally, to those who don't have much of anything, and share God's love with them. Let them hear the words I love you, and tell them they have a Heavenly Father who loves them.
I know God will continue to lead me, and guide me in the directions He wants me to go. I don't want to loose heart, when things get hard, or seem to be going slow, but I want to continue to seek God, and trust that His is using me, even in the times when I am down and low.
Thank you all again for all your prayers. You all have really encouraged me, and I thank you all for being there for me.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Strong and Courageous
"Be Strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
That verse keeps coming to me over and over again. It's during times like these I need to hear it the most. God is with me wherever I go, and He is holding me in times when it really hurts, and I feel all alone. As I look back and think about all God has led me through, I can remember when I was in the moment of all the trials in the past and I did feel like there was no one who understood what I was going through. But I had the comfort, the hope, and the peace that God was holding me, He heard my cry, and felt my pain. God knows everything, and He cares about every little detail of my life.
God is the one who is always with me. The people around me may not understand, but God does. My family may not be with me all the time, but God is. In the darkest moments, God is the light on my path. I may feel defeated, but God has overcome the world, and He has made me a warrior. I may be sitting alone broken, and tears shedding uncontrollably, but God has healed my pain. It's His still small voice that keeps me going, He strength is what I need from day to day, and He is always going to be with me wherever I go. Even when the doors close behind me on the way to the operating room, and nobody I know can be with me, God is there... I may be lying on the table, but it's not just the table I will be lying on, it will also be God's everlasting arms.
I do have a lot of fear right now... but God is working in me. He reminds me time and time again do not be afraid. It can be so hard to not let fear take over. Surgeries are painful, and usually with the ones in the past I know what to expect because most of them have been very similar. This one is new to me, and I don't know what it is going to be like at all. But again God says I am with you, and I have gone before you. He knows, and He is there.
Please pray for this next week as I prepare myself for surgery day. Praise God it has been made sooner. Pray that I will have peace, and that I will feel God's presence, even in the loneliest hours. Pray to that the surgery will go well, and for the recovery afterward. Surgery day is Monday August 16. Thank you everyone for your prayers.
That verse keeps coming to me over and over again. It's during times like these I need to hear it the most. God is with me wherever I go, and He is holding me in times when it really hurts, and I feel all alone. As I look back and think about all God has led me through, I can remember when I was in the moment of all the trials in the past and I did feel like there was no one who understood what I was going through. But I had the comfort, the hope, and the peace that God was holding me, He heard my cry, and felt my pain. God knows everything, and He cares about every little detail of my life.
God is the one who is always with me. The people around me may not understand, but God does. My family may not be with me all the time, but God is. In the darkest moments, God is the light on my path. I may feel defeated, but God has overcome the world, and He has made me a warrior. I may be sitting alone broken, and tears shedding uncontrollably, but God has healed my pain. It's His still small voice that keeps me going, He strength is what I need from day to day, and He is always going to be with me wherever I go. Even when the doors close behind me on the way to the operating room, and nobody I know can be with me, God is there... I may be lying on the table, but it's not just the table I will be lying on, it will also be God's everlasting arms.
I do have a lot of fear right now... but God is working in me. He reminds me time and time again do not be afraid. It can be so hard to not let fear take over. Surgeries are painful, and usually with the ones in the past I know what to expect because most of them have been very similar. This one is new to me, and I don't know what it is going to be like at all. But again God says I am with you, and I have gone before you. He knows, and He is there.
Please pray for this next week as I prepare myself for surgery day. Praise God it has been made sooner. Pray that I will have peace, and that I will feel God's presence, even in the loneliest hours. Pray to that the surgery will go well, and for the recovery afterward. Surgery day is Monday August 16. Thank you everyone for your prayers.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Facing the Storms
There are those days where I just want to ask out loud why! Times where I want to scream what's going on!! I mean those days where I say is it ever going to end. Yes I give myself a little pity party, and my attitude is not always jumping for joy. When tragidy strikes it hurts. Before I go any further here, I want to tell you that I am being completely open and honest... I want to be vulnerable with you and let you know what is happening. Don't worry though, stay with me, and read this til the end...
Now, back to the storms of life. It sure seems like there are a lot of them. I mean I was just thinking about it last night, and looking back at everything. Things were going pretty good for me as far as health and all that good stuff. I mean yes I had a few struggles in the past with health and surgeries and such, but nothing that seems to be like these days. Let me give you a few examples. When I heard God's voice calling me to go into ministry, I said yes. I wanted to follow God wherever He led me, and to do what He has called me to do. Don't worry, I have not changed my mind, I want to continue to do so... I am here for that purpose... to serve God, and to be all He wants me to be. But I couldn't help to wonder why when I said yes, it seemed like the flood gates of the storms spread wide open. One thing after the other. First the ears, then the sickness and switched outreach, then the bedbugs, and now this. All within the last year or two. It has been very painful it really has. I don't understand why, but I don't need to understand it. I need to embrace it, face it, and say God I know You are there, and You will take care of this. I know I can't do it on my own.
With the help of my Father, I know I will get through this one too. Is it easy? Of course not. Do I always handle it the way I should? No. Of course I have those moments, those days, and even longer where I feel very discouraged, and I want to say, is it ever going to end. Struggles come and go all throughout life, and sometimes I felt like I was getting them all while everyone else seems to have it so much easier. I know that's not true. We all have our challenges, and troubles in life... that's just the way it is. But I know I also have choices on how to react to the challenges. I can pout, and have an Eor type attitude, or I can continue to move forward and with the help of Jesus Christ conquer the storms that come in my path.
I know that I will get through the storms, and I'm sure that this one I'm in now isn't going to be the last. But I want to learn from each one. So when the next one strikes I will still be able to stand strong in my faith, and say, "God you are my God, and I will follow You all of my days. I want to seek You in the morning, and learn to walk in Your ways. And step by step You will lead me." Yes step by step... I can't expect to get from here to New York in one step. So I can't expect to get through the challenges and trials either in one step. But each step God is with me, and He is blessing me beyond measure.
Now I ask you, would you pray that I can get through the storms, and for God to continue to work in me through them. For it is in the times of trouble when I grow the most, it is in those times where my faith in God gets strengthened even more, and I know that God is making a beautiful picture through this all. It may not seem like it now, but one day I will see why I was led in all these different directions. Even if I don't, it doesn't matter, there is a purpose for everything, and God uses everything for His glory and perfect plan.
Father, I admit my attitude and reaction to storms is not always good. But I ask for You to help me in the times of trouble, help me to see Your face, even when it sometimes feels as if I'm all alone. I do get those feelings, but I want to hang on to You, cling to Your promises, and always remember that in all things You will never let me go. Lord I thank You for never giving up on me, and for always loving me. God thank you for the people You have placed in my life, and I pray You would bless them. Hold them close to You, and may they feel Your arms surrounding them. I love You Lord, and through the calm and through the storm, I will praise Your name. Forgive me for my negative attitude, and Help me to continue to stay strong in You, and in my faith. In Jesus' Name Amen.
Now, back to the storms of life. It sure seems like there are a lot of them. I mean I was just thinking about it last night, and looking back at everything. Things were going pretty good for me as far as health and all that good stuff. I mean yes I had a few struggles in the past with health and surgeries and such, but nothing that seems to be like these days. Let me give you a few examples. When I heard God's voice calling me to go into ministry, I said yes. I wanted to follow God wherever He led me, and to do what He has called me to do. Don't worry, I have not changed my mind, I want to continue to do so... I am here for that purpose... to serve God, and to be all He wants me to be. But I couldn't help to wonder why when I said yes, it seemed like the flood gates of the storms spread wide open. One thing after the other. First the ears, then the sickness and switched outreach, then the bedbugs, and now this. All within the last year or two. It has been very painful it really has. I don't understand why, but I don't need to understand it. I need to embrace it, face it, and say God I know You are there, and You will take care of this. I know I can't do it on my own.
With the help of my Father, I know I will get through this one too. Is it easy? Of course not. Do I always handle it the way I should? No. Of course I have those moments, those days, and even longer where I feel very discouraged, and I want to say, is it ever going to end. Struggles come and go all throughout life, and sometimes I felt like I was getting them all while everyone else seems to have it so much easier. I know that's not true. We all have our challenges, and troubles in life... that's just the way it is. But I know I also have choices on how to react to the challenges. I can pout, and have an Eor type attitude, or I can continue to move forward and with the help of Jesus Christ conquer the storms that come in my path.
I know that I will get through the storms, and I'm sure that this one I'm in now isn't going to be the last. But I want to learn from each one. So when the next one strikes I will still be able to stand strong in my faith, and say, "God you are my God, and I will follow You all of my days. I want to seek You in the morning, and learn to walk in Your ways. And step by step You will lead me." Yes step by step... I can't expect to get from here to New York in one step. So I can't expect to get through the challenges and trials either in one step. But each step God is with me, and He is blessing me beyond measure.
Now I ask you, would you pray that I can get through the storms, and for God to continue to work in me through them. For it is in the times of trouble when I grow the most, it is in those times where my faith in God gets strengthened even more, and I know that God is making a beautiful picture through this all. It may not seem like it now, but one day I will see why I was led in all these different directions. Even if I don't, it doesn't matter, there is a purpose for everything, and God uses everything for His glory and perfect plan.
Father, I admit my attitude and reaction to storms is not always good. But I ask for You to help me in the times of trouble, help me to see Your face, even when it sometimes feels as if I'm all alone. I do get those feelings, but I want to hang on to You, cling to Your promises, and always remember that in all things You will never let me go. Lord I thank You for never giving up on me, and for always loving me. God thank you for the people You have placed in my life, and I pray You would bless them. Hold them close to You, and may they feel Your arms surrounding them. I love You Lord, and through the calm and through the storm, I will praise Your name. Forgive me for my negative attitude, and Help me to continue to stay strong in You, and in my faith. In Jesus' Name Amen.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Looking Back, Marching Forward
Yesterday, July 8th was the day I started with YWAM, one year ago. Never did I think that this year would turn out the way that it did. Don't get me wrong, it turned out better than what I ever imagined it to be. As crazy as it sounds it was one of the hardest years of my life, but it was the greatest year of my life. Now how can complete opposites go in one sentence, talking about the same subject? The greatest and hardest.... together? Crazy right? Well let me take you on a stroll down memory lane, and just maybe you'll see what I'm talking about. We're going to start on July 7 2009....
My birthday. It was no ordinary birthday for me as I spent the day packing for my Mexico trip, and making sure I had the things I needed and left behind what I could do without. At the same time I spent celebrating another year added on to my life. Later in the evening I went out to dinner with my family. Now my mind was racing with so many things, and I was processing what was lying ahead of me. I wasn't really focused on dinner.... but then, as we are led to the table I was about to sit down, when I heard surprise! Now it took me a moment to figure out that I knew all these people in front of me, as I was really not paying any attention. But there stood the people that were my biggest support and influence during the whole process on my journey (They still are... and if it weren't for them I wouldn't be here). Both my pastors, friends from church, and my family... now I had just said my goodbyes to them just a day or two ago, and everyone of them "played along." It was a fun evening, and it was hard to say goodbye, that has always been hard for me to do, and I had to do it twice!
July 8, 2009, Departure day. My mom took me to San Diego, where I was meeting at the YWAM office, to head off to Mexico. I first had my last In n Out burger, for a while. I met a couple people, who now are pretty good friends. We drove over the border, and as we passed the sign last U.S.A. exit, my heart started to pound. That is when reality really sunk in for me. But as we moved forward, I started to feel at peace. God was there, and I knew I was going the way He has called me to go. It was great meeting all the people and they were all pretty awesome. I am now close friends with a lot of them.
The summer was pretty amazing. I built a house for the first time, was able to go to an orphanage, for kids with special needs, and I was able to be a mentor and friend to all the teenagers that came to Mexico for Mission Adventures. There are many things I did over the summer, and I was glad I was there.
August 19, 2009.... Departure day, and headed for home. The last day there, and said some more goodbyes. Some to people I will probably never see again, and to others it was more a see ya later. I came over the border met my mom at the office, and headed for home.
September 25th, 2009.... Back in Mexico, DTS is about to start. It was an amazing journey. DTS had to be where the hardest battles were fought. Even harder than all the battles before DTS, and during Mission Adventures. I felt my faith being tested in ways I never thought were possible... but I was spiritually strengthened even more. Yes it felt like I was being slammed to the ocean floor time and time again, and I had my moments of feeling sorry for myself, but God showed His faithfulness in so many ways. He led me through everything, and it all led to and still is leading to His perfect plan.
A week before Thanksgiving... an unexpected trip to the ER. Spent a few days in the hospital, and was home for a couple weeks. That was where I felt tested the most.... those were the times when I felt defeated. But again, God was there, and He still was running with me. I knew I had to keep fighting, and keep running, even though I wanted to say forget it, I can't do it anymore.
New Year's Eve... my first day in San Francisco. An incredible outreach, where my eyes were opened up to things I never realized I was blind to. I was ministering to the homeless, prostitutes, homosexuals, and various other individuals. It was intense, but it sure was incredible!
Valentines Day... Back in Mexico, and reunited with the team. Debriefing week and graduation. We shared all our stories, and enjoyed our final moments together. And the 21tst was my day to go back home for a while.
May 3, 2010... first day on the job. I came back down to San Diego on April 30th, and started officially with YWAM San Diego/Baja full time. There is a lot God has in store for me, and I know He is going to continue to lead me as I continue to move forward in faith and be all He has called me to be.
Today... Another year older, and there is more to come. It has been an amazing year, as I've said, and I thank you all who were running by my side. Thank you for your support and prayers. You are all a big part of my life, and I want you to know how much each of your mean to me...my family, church family, my pastors, all my extended family, and friends, my YWAM family, and most of all praise God for His faithfulness, and for always running with me, and never letting me go.
My birthday. It was no ordinary birthday for me as I spent the day packing for my Mexico trip, and making sure I had the things I needed and left behind what I could do without. At the same time I spent celebrating another year added on to my life. Later in the evening I went out to dinner with my family. Now my mind was racing with so many things, and I was processing what was lying ahead of me. I wasn't really focused on dinner.... but then, as we are led to the table I was about to sit down, when I heard surprise! Now it took me a moment to figure out that I knew all these people in front of me, as I was really not paying any attention. But there stood the people that were my biggest support and influence during the whole process on my journey (They still are... and if it weren't for them I wouldn't be here). Both my pastors, friends from church, and my family... now I had just said my goodbyes to them just a day or two ago, and everyone of them "played along." It was a fun evening, and it was hard to say goodbye, that has always been hard for me to do, and I had to do it twice!
July 8, 2009, Departure day. My mom took me to San Diego, where I was meeting at the YWAM office, to head off to Mexico. I first had my last In n Out burger, for a while. I met a couple people, who now are pretty good friends. We drove over the border, and as we passed the sign last U.S.A. exit, my heart started to pound. That is when reality really sunk in for me. But as we moved forward, I started to feel at peace. God was there, and I knew I was going the way He has called me to go. It was great meeting all the people and they were all pretty awesome. I am now close friends with a lot of them.
The summer was pretty amazing. I built a house for the first time, was able to go to an orphanage, for kids with special needs, and I was able to be a mentor and friend to all the teenagers that came to Mexico for Mission Adventures. There are many things I did over the summer, and I was glad I was there.
August 19, 2009.... Departure day, and headed for home. The last day there, and said some more goodbyes. Some to people I will probably never see again, and to others it was more a see ya later. I came over the border met my mom at the office, and headed for home.
September 25th, 2009.... Back in Mexico, DTS is about to start. It was an amazing journey. DTS had to be where the hardest battles were fought. Even harder than all the battles before DTS, and during Mission Adventures. I felt my faith being tested in ways I never thought were possible... but I was spiritually strengthened even more. Yes it felt like I was being slammed to the ocean floor time and time again, and I had my moments of feeling sorry for myself, but God showed His faithfulness in so many ways. He led me through everything, and it all led to and still is leading to His perfect plan.
A week before Thanksgiving... an unexpected trip to the ER. Spent a few days in the hospital, and was home for a couple weeks. That was where I felt tested the most.... those were the times when I felt defeated. But again, God was there, and He still was running with me. I knew I had to keep fighting, and keep running, even though I wanted to say forget it, I can't do it anymore.
New Year's Eve... my first day in San Francisco. An incredible outreach, where my eyes were opened up to things I never realized I was blind to. I was ministering to the homeless, prostitutes, homosexuals, and various other individuals. It was intense, but it sure was incredible!
Valentines Day... Back in Mexico, and reunited with the team. Debriefing week and graduation. We shared all our stories, and enjoyed our final moments together. And the 21tst was my day to go back home for a while.
May 3, 2010... first day on the job. I came back down to San Diego on April 30th, and started officially with YWAM San Diego/Baja full time. There is a lot God has in store for me, and I know He is going to continue to lead me as I continue to move forward in faith and be all He has called me to be.
Today... Another year older, and there is more to come. It has been an amazing year, as I've said, and I thank you all who were running by my side. Thank you for your support and prayers. You are all a big part of my life, and I want you to know how much each of your mean to me...my family, church family, my pastors, all my extended family, and friends, my YWAM family, and most of all praise God for His faithfulness, and for always running with me, and never letting me go.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Keeping my Eyes on Him
Sometimes life in ministry can have moments of fear. I mean sometimes the whole fact of the unknowns can still get me in a negative way. Even after all I went through, everything God has taught me, all that He has led me through, I still struggle with doubt.
God still doesn't give up on me, He still keeps leading me and guiding me. When I do have those moments, the moments of doubt God has a way of working in that too. He continues to remind me time and time again that He has all things under control, and He knows my every need,
This past Sunday I was back in my home church. One thing you have to know about me is I'm usually not an emotional person in public... if I do feel it coming on I will do everything I can to hide it. But towards the end of the service, it was very hard to hide. I felt the Spirit totally come over me, and it almost felt as if I was the only one in the room... right there just me and God. Then at the end of the service they sang one of my most favorite hymns, "Through it All."
It was an awesome service on Sunday. The main point of the message was having strong faith even when the storms are raging. The passage was about the disciples on the boat, and a huge storm came over the boat, while Jesus was sleeping. They were afraid. Jesus woke up, and calmed the storm. He asked them where was there faith...
All through life we have storms. We have times where it feels as if Jesus is so far away. We doubt, we fear, we try to handle things in our own hands... I can go on and on, but even through the times of storms, Jesus is with us. He is with me. I have to remind myself of that constantly.
I cannot loose heart when there is a battle to face, and I cannot get over confident when things are going great. I must remain humble before the Lord. Keeping my eyes on Him, and letting Him guide me where He wants me. My life is all about faith. Yes it gets hard, yes it comes to a point where it just plain hurts, and times when I just want to say forget it, I can't do this anymore...
But I know that God has called me. He has a plan in all things, and He even uses my weaknesses. On Sunday God spoke to me, and gave me a little wake up call, telling me He was here, and I need to continue to keep my faith on Him, trusting in Him, and allowing Him to take over my life. I can't have it all figured out, that's impossible. But I know I can leave everything in the hands of my Savior. That is a true comfort, and something that keeps me going forward. I know that He is with me through everything good and bad.
God still doesn't give up on me, He still keeps leading me and guiding me. When I do have those moments, the moments of doubt God has a way of working in that too. He continues to remind me time and time again that He has all things under control, and He knows my every need,
This past Sunday I was back in my home church. One thing you have to know about me is I'm usually not an emotional person in public... if I do feel it coming on I will do everything I can to hide it. But towards the end of the service, it was very hard to hide. I felt the Spirit totally come over me, and it almost felt as if I was the only one in the room... right there just me and God. Then at the end of the service they sang one of my most favorite hymns, "Through it All."
It was an awesome service on Sunday. The main point of the message was having strong faith even when the storms are raging. The passage was about the disciples on the boat, and a huge storm came over the boat, while Jesus was sleeping. They were afraid. Jesus woke up, and calmed the storm. He asked them where was there faith...
All through life we have storms. We have times where it feels as if Jesus is so far away. We doubt, we fear, we try to handle things in our own hands... I can go on and on, but even through the times of storms, Jesus is with us. He is with me. I have to remind myself of that constantly.
I cannot loose heart when there is a battle to face, and I cannot get over confident when things are going great. I must remain humble before the Lord. Keeping my eyes on Him, and letting Him guide me where He wants me. My life is all about faith. Yes it gets hard, yes it comes to a point where it just plain hurts, and times when I just want to say forget it, I can't do this anymore...
But I know that God has called me. He has a plan in all things, and He even uses my weaknesses. On Sunday God spoke to me, and gave me a little wake up call, telling me He was here, and I need to continue to keep my faith on Him, trusting in Him, and allowing Him to take over my life. I can't have it all figured out, that's impossible. But I know I can leave everything in the hands of my Savior. That is a true comfort, and something that keeps me going forward. I know that He is with me through everything good and bad.
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