Where Have I Been?

That's a good question, i know.  Ever had it where life seems to get away from you and you get caught up in doing the same old thing day after day, the same routine day after day, week after week?  Life has a way of becoming like that, doesn't it?  We are all busy with day to day activities and before we know it, another day, week, month, and year have passed.  

I have been meaning to write more but there's always some excuse that comes up and makes me say, "I'll do it later," and of course later comes but something else comes along that gets my attention.  Sad part is, it's usually not all that important.  Usually what ends up happening is I have to down sick, or something with nothing else to do, before I think about writing something.  Like right now😏

I have been doing well for the most part this past year.  Nothing major, and not a whole lot of sinus issues and the typical issues that I tend to get.  I have remained out of the hospital for well over a year now.  Well, this past weekend was a day spent in the ER but I wasn't admitted and my head is totally fine and has been stable for a while now.  Tremors and nerves have also been under control.  So why the visit you may ask.. The doctor told me to go.  

No, she didn't tell me to go, just for me to say hello to the staff and patients.  I've been struggling since the end of January with always getting tired, and short of breath way too easily and the lungs hurting and feeling worse.  I went to the doctor after a week of feeling that way and was told that I had started to develop pneumonia and I was put on some antibiotics and sent on my way.  I gave it a few days for it to work, but I still wasn't feeling better.  In fact it felt like I was getting a little worse. The doctor reassured me that it just takes time and to be patient.  I had seen the doctor three times and had the same answer, "patience." " Fine, I'll wait a little longer." I thought.

I had been having good days in the midst of this though as well as the rough days feeling extra tired and all.  Last week, it was very evident that I was feeling worse, and people could read it all over my face. I started to develop a fever on Friday and I emailed my doctor.  She advised me to come in to the office and I listened. 😇

The doctor I saw, did the exam and had some lab work and a chest X-Ray done.  X-ray was clear but the labs came back reading that my white blood cell count was quite high, which meant I was fighting some sort of infection.  That only meant, I was sent home with more antibiotics.  What is it about prescribing those so fast without doing a little more investigating anyway?  If you know the answer to that please tell me.😉

The doctor wanted me to come into urgent care on Sunday morning to do another exam and see my progress.  Well, I never made it that far because on Saturday my temperature was rising pretty high.  I was able to get it down with Tylenol but it would go up again.  The doctor I saw Friday evening called me twice on Saturday to follow-up because she was worried about my lab results.  First of all, how many doctors do you know that randomly call on the weekend, out of the office? I've seen so many doctors and even for me, that's a first. Now back to the story... I told the doctor how I was doing and that my temperature made it over 103 and she told me not to wait until Sunday morning to be seen, but to get in now.  I may have pleaded a little bit but she was persistent. 

I went to the ER and didn't have to wait long.  I was careful about how I described my symptoms because once you mention chest pain, they assume it's the heart.  I do know where my heart is and it hurt on the right, not the left.  Still, I participated it doing the EKG just to make them happy. They left those sticky things on, but trust me, I took them off because they were done with them.  I always need goobegone just about to remove the residue those stickers always leave behind!

Anyway, i then proceeded to the exam room and the doctor ordered more blood work and a CT scan of the lungs.  The lungs were quite inflamed.  Not only that but they discovered I had quite a bit going on and that was the reason I wasn't getting better and only worse.

The final diagnosis...

- severe sepsis with acute organ disfunction

- Elevated live function

- Acute interstitial pneumonia

After hearing that I thought of two things. "I told you so." and "I'm glad they found something and didn't try to say that I was just worrying to much, or making it up."

Now, here I sit, at home.  Yes, I'm home and I didn't have to be admitted.  Why? I really don't know because everyone is surprised they let me go home with all of that going on.  Since I have been missing church for quite some time and I've been a bit quiet lately, I thought it was time to give people an update.  So, here you go. 😏

The good news is, I was reassured that I will recover form this and that it's just going to be a little while longer.  Now if they would have said be patient one more time, I may have responded in a way that would not at all be Christlike. They didn't say it! 

Please just be praying.  That's the best thing for you to do.  I do want to get back to writing and I'm going to try.  Just not sure as to when, or what about yet.  Thank you everyone!  Hope you had a little chuckle too, while reading this.  If not, just chuckle now and be happy. 😁

God bless you all.

Who do you Stand For?

I have been hearing a lot of ridicule lately.  All over the world, people are being persecuted for their faith in Christ.  I have heard comments on TV and seen different shows, where people are mocking Jesus, and mocking people who love and follow Him.  Just the other day I heard a comment from a celebrity who thinks people who love and thank Jesus, are people that are ex-crackheads.  There was a comment several months back from another celebrity who said that those who follow Christ have some sort of mental illness.  Everyday, people are mocking others who love Jesus in some way or another.  There has been horrible comments lately and honestly, it's just sad.  What is sad, is that there are more people in the world that don't have a relationship with Christ and are going to be spending eternity in hell, than there are those who are saved.  Those that are laughing at Christians and mocking them now, will one day be cast into the lake of fire for eternity, unless they come to Christ before it's too late.  All these people who are making fun of Christians, mocking the name of Christ and saying these horrible comments, are  people who in reality are miserable people.  They are the ones that are messed up.  Why are people who seem to have everything, as far as materialistic things go, and have all the money in the world, miserable people?  Why do you suppose that there are so many suicides and drugs and alcohol overdoses?  Are you happy when you get the house you want, or car, or job or whatever else you desire?  You might be for a while, but it won't be long before there is something else that you want to have.  None of us can find our joy and happiness from the things of this world. These are sensitive subjects and yet ones that really aren't addressed as much as they should be.  God has said that this world is full of troubles and hard times and that is because of a sinful broken world.  However, even though we do  have many troubles in this world, God also promises that He has overcome the world.  He did so by sending His Son Jesus to die on the cross.  He promises to be with us in  times of trouble, and if we choose to trust Him and follow Him, we will get through any hard time that comes our way, through His strength, and His alone. 

If you do not accept Jesus as your Savior, the Bible is very clear about where you will be spending eternity.  The thing is, God doesn't want His people to be eternally separated from Him.  God also doesn't want to force people to follow Him.  God desires a willing heart and someone who desires Him above all else.  Jesus is coming again soon.  God will only allow the world to go on for so long before He brings down the final judgement.   If you choose to follow God and His desires, and accept Jesus as your Savior, you will be welcomed into Heaven, but if you choose to live a life without Him, and decide that you don't need Him, you will be turned away.  Jesus was very clear about that and whether you acknowledge Him or not.  Matthew 10:32-33 says, "Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven.  But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven."

Who will you stand up for today?  Will you stand up for Christ or the ways of the world?  I really hope and pray that you will choose Christ.  Your eternal destiny really depends on it.  Not only that, but your life on earth will be so much greater with God in it.  I myself have gone through many different trials and hardships in life but in all honesty, I have gotten through every single hardship because of His strength, and no matter what happens to me, I have nothing to fear, because I do have Christ as my Rock, and He's all that I need in life. 

It’s Easter!

Happy Easter everyone!  What a glorious day for us to celebrate.  Jesus is alive.  He dies and He rose again and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty.  From there He will judge the living and the dead.  Oh friends, if you love Jesus with all your heart, you know you have an eternal award in store for you and you have nothing to fear because our God is with you and He watches over you day and night.  No matter what you are going through, you will never be alone.  People! If you don’t know Jesus and you desire to finally have a peace in your heart and that wonderful assurance of knowing you will go to heaven when you die, and you don’t have to ever be afraid of death, then all you have to do is accept Him into your heart.  Pray and ask Him to come into your life and ask Him to forgive your sins and thank Him for dying for you, so that you can have His free grace and eternal life with Him.

He wants to be in your life but He won’t force His way in you.  He has the power to make you do what He wants, but God would rather you choose Him for yourself and desire to follow Him.  He gives us freewill.  I sure hope that if you don’t already know Him, that you would begin to and ask Him into your life.  I don’t want to see anyone go to hell.  Hell if a very real place and I cannot begin to imagine spending eternity there.  I can’t imagine an eternity in heaven either but the thing is it’s far greater than anything that I can comprehend.

I have been facing many medical problems for the past 10 years and over the years those problems got worse. I was actually just in the hospital again and in intensive care for a day, then the step down unit because they wanted to watch me closely.  I have had pain that has brought me to tears and biting into the blanket so I don’t scream.  I have not bounced back as quickly as I usually do, and I’m still very weak.  I am bummed that I won’t be able to get to go to church but I still will watch a beautiful service with my amazing boyfriend and we will praise God together.  I share this because through all the pain I have endured and every hardship and trial that I’ve had throughout my life, that is nothing compared to how horrible hell will be.  I have screamed at doctors before because of pain and if you ever had a needle in your spine and the doctor struck the main nerve accidentally, you would  scream too.  It was then that I asked the doctor to just shoot me because the pain was just brutal.  I later told my mom that I want to continue to share the love of Jesus Christ because I don’t want anyone to go to hell.  I don’t know what brutal is compared to hell itself.  

Jesus suffered an unimaginable death for us and He was beaten and whipped until He was unrecognizable.  He did that because He loves you and He doesn’t want to see you go to hell either.  If you have never accepted Jesus, there’s no better time to do so then right now.  All you have to do is pray to Him from your heart and ask Him into your life.

It can be a prayer like this:

Heavenly Father, thank You for taking my punishment to the cross and dying for me.  I know that I am a sinner and I don’t deserve Your grace but I thank You for giving it freely.  I’m sorry for the sins that I have done and I ask for Your forgiveness.  Forgive me Father.  Please come into my heart and lead my life.  Take my life and make into who You want me to be p.  Thank You for Your amazing love.  Lord I love You and I for now on want to follow You and be with You.  In Jesus’ name, Amrn.

If you prayed that prayer, welcome to the family of God!  I now encourage you to tell a Christian friend and let them guide you through the next step.  If you don’t have one, that’s okay.  I encourage you to find a Christian church to attend and get a Bible.  If you cannot afford one, let me know and I will freely send you one.  Here’s the link to my church and it has resources on there to help you, along with the email address to the staff and they will gladly help you on your new journey with Christ.  www.crosspointcrcweb.org

Please feel free to message me as well if you have any questions or concerns.  I am more than willing to help you in any way I can.  God bless you dearly.

God, Where are You?

The past several months have had a lot of grief all around many people I know and people whom I do not know.  I don't have to look far to see brokenness.   The world is full of hurt in all different shapes and sizes.  My heart has been heavy lately because there are so many lives being taken away at all different ages.  Just about every week, there's another memorial service.  You may be reading this, and are someone who has lost someone dear to you.  There isn't anything that I can say that could take the pain away completely, because grief is just very painful and very real.  I've been there, and I still have my hurts that will last a lifetime but the only thing that gives me hope, is from God alone.  The title of this blog is definitely very different, compared to the previous titles I've had, but when we go through tough times, this question gets asked.  We may feel that God has left us, or is so distant from us and doesn't understand what we are going through.  Perhaps we don't believe He cares. 

There are many different thoughts that come across our minds in this but God understands.  I can tell you that He is never too far away, or not there at all.  He has you engraved in the palm of His hands and will never let you go.  Go ahead and cry out to Him and talk to Him like your best friend,because that's exactly Who He is.  He loves you more than anyone in the world, and loves you more than you can possibly comprehend.  Life is full of hard times.  Some people seem to have more than others, and it may seem like some don't have any at all.  We don't know what the person next to us is going through, but that's not for us to know.  God knows.  Right now, God says to give your worries, and troubles, and absolutely everything to Him.  Let Him carry the load you have on your shoulders.  He will always walk with you and carry you.  You never have to go alone.  Actually, you were created to need Him.  You can't do it alone, no matter how hard you try.  We need a Savior every moment of our lives. 

If you are going through grief right now, or some other difficult storm in life, I can't promise you that you are going to not feel pain or hurt when clinging to God, but I can promise you that you will have a peace, and joy and reassurance that only He can give.  I can also promise you that you will be comforted in ways that you never have before and will have a hope.  Death is not a pretty thing, but it is a part of life.  We are all going to die one day, unless Jesus returns before we do.  If you were to die right now, are you positive you will be going to heaven?  Jesus is the One and only way to heaven. It takes more than believing Jesus exists, and believing that He died on the cross.  Satan himself believes that much.  We need to have a relationship with Him.  God wants us to come to Him, and accept Him into our hearts.  He wants us to love Him above all and to give our lives over to Him.  You may be afraid of the word "surrender."  Let me tell you something.  Surrendering to God doesn't mean you will be captive and not have a free life.  It actually means being more free than you could ever be before.  You don't have to fear death, or shame, or anything because of Christ's love and ultimate sacrifice for you.  Your life will become complete with God in it.  Without God in your life, you will always try to find something to fill that void, but God and God alone can fill it.  Material goods, drugs, alcohol, money, and everything else in the world can never fill that void.  All of those things are useless, when we think about it.  They don't make us happy, nor complete, nor do they satisfy, because we are always going to be longing for more.  Not only does God meet every need but He gives us more than enough.  he also gives us love, peace, hope, and fills our hearts with assurance that we would never have without Him.  He gave up His life on the cross, so that we can have eternal life with Him in heaven and not eternal death in hell. All we have to do is accept Him and His amazing grace for us.  God is ever faithful and always will be.  He is always there for you, and loves you more than you could know. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5 

 "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'   The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." Lamentations 3:22-26

"The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:11 (Favorite Bible verse.)

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

One of my favorite speakers in Jennifer Rothschild.  I saw a video the  other day with her and Krik Cameron.  I encourage you to watch it.  It's only 10 minutes long, but very true, and well said.  I will close with this: no matter what happens in life, just know that God does care, and holds you tightly to Him, and He is good all the time. 

Choose Joy

What does the word joy mean to you?  Is is a noun or a verb?  Maybe it's both?  I will tell you, it's both.  Though, when you think of the word joy, what comes to mind?  Do you think joy means to simply be happy all the time?  Why do you think joy is a fruit of the Spirit but happiness isn't?  These are questions to think about really.  I looked it up in the dictionary just for the sake of it, but I would prefer to say what God thinks about it.  He wrote about joy long before Webster did.  (For all who wonder who that is, just a name of a English dictionary.)  

Look at the picture here.  There  is a reason we sing Joy to the World.  Christmas we celebrate the Savior's birth, but I hope we do more than celebrate.  I hope we can say we rejoice in His birth, death and resurrection daily.  Jesus did come down from His heavenly throne for us.  Because of His amazing love, we can live a life with Him, and have the reassurance of eternal life if we have chosen to accept Him into our lives, and confess our sins to Him.  He is the answer to everything we need, and He is the reason why we have joy.  Even when times are hard, we can still choose joy and we should.  Choosing joy doesn't mean that you slap a smile on your face 24/7 and are happy all the time.  When trials come, it's not wrong to have grief and pain because of it.  However, when you have that true joy in your heart that only Jesus can give, and focus on  that, and focus on the hope, and reassurance that comes from Him, a strong sense of peace comes over us.  The peace of knowing that no matter what, Christ will walk us through.  

There's an old saying in life, that you either look at the glass half full, or you look at it half empty.  To be honest I was never really a fan of hearing that.  Usually I needed to though.  I want to give you another challenge though.  Whether you are struggling with some sort of hardship now, or the next time you do, turn those doubts, fears, sadness, loneliness, worry, grief, bitterness, and whatever other down emotion you may be having, into prayer and give all your concerns to God.  Let Him fill you with the joy only He can give.  Let Him comfort you in a way that only He can.  God loves you.  When you are in the storms in life, God isn't far away on the shore, He's right there in the boat with you.  He knows your pain even better than you do.  Let Him carry you and walk besides you.

This Christmas, focus on the true meaning.  Never lose focus on why we celebrate this joyous season.  I know that so often the season can be hard for many of you because of loss and heartaches in your life.  I struggle with it myself.  When we fix our eyes on Jesus though, He does give us the strength we need to carry on.

So no matter what, choose joy.  There is always something to be joyful about.  The greatest Gift of all, loves you.  He loves you more than you can possibly imagine.  He collects every tear in a bottle. For God to hold onto every tear, really means something.  He really wants to be your comfort. Your strength.  Your absolute everything.  He's your Heavenly Father.  He knows the number of hairs on your head, and not a one of them falls off without His knowing.  Let Him surround you.  He truly is the answer. There is not one materialistic thing in this world that can satisfy your needs.  Even if you have everything you could possibly want, you will never have the true joy in your heart.  Only Jesus Christ can fill that void in your heart.  Once you focus on Him, your life will never be the same.

Giving Thanks

This week the United States celebrates Thanksgiving Day.  Many people spend the day with their families and eat until they can't get another bite in their mouths.  Growing up, I would usually go to my grandparents house for Thanksgiving with the rest of my family after the Thanksgiving church service.  I think about it though and I want to be thankful more than once a year. In fact we should be thankful on a constant basis.  God requires that we show Him gratitude for all He has done.  No matter what country you are from, you can celebrate Thanksgiving because we should always be giving thanks. Not just when things are going well but in all things, we should be. We should worship the Lord with thanksgiving.

I know that there's countless people who are hurting and not feeling very thankful right now.  Maybe you lost your job and you are struggling to get by each day.  Maybe you are feeling a bit lost and not sure what Gof has in store for you.  The doctor may have come back with your test results, only to tell you the news you have been dreading.  Maybe you have lost loved ones this year and really don't feel like celebrating anything because it's just too painful.  The tragedies in the shootings again this year were horrific.  Thousands more lives lost or changed forever because of violence.  The hurricanes this year has destroyed homes and many were killed.  The eakrthquake that occurred in the Middle East, yet another devastation.  Maybe you are reading this and you are one of the people affected by these tragedies, or something else that has really been painful and a devastating blow to your life.

You may be asking me through your computer screen, how can I say to be thankful when it hurts.  I have to be honest with you, I have asked that question many times in my life.  I have lost dear loved ones at a young age in my life, including my own father.  I have battled different medical challenges throughout my life.  But I have so much to be thankful for.  No matter what we go through in life, there's always something that is positive.  You are now asking me,... "Are you kidding me?!"  Allow me to give you a little story of when my dad had his heart attack and was in and out of hospitals....

When my dad was critical and we really didn't know if he was going to pull through, we were out of state and nowhere near home.  Even so, the body of Christ surrounded us.  They took care of us when we needed it and they visited us and prayed over us and for us regularly.  In spite of all of that was going on, my faith was strengthened and my relationship with my family and church family grew tighter and we pressed forward together with the help of our Heavenly Father.  Not only that but people were watching us and strangers came up to us to say that they would be praying for us.  God was touching lives through our hardship.  Not only was this so but God never let us go. He was with us and He is still with us every step of the way and He does give us strength.

I know that there's so much hurt in this world.  But I also know that God wants to walk you through whatever you are going through.  One of my favorite songs (I have countless favorites but I have always loved music.) is Through it All.

I’ve had many tears and sorrows,
I’ve had questions for tomorrow,
there’s been times I didn’t know right from wrong.
But in every situation,
God gave me blessed consolation,
that my trials come to only make me strong

Through it all,
through it all,
I’ve learned to trust in Jesus,
I’ve learned to trust in God.
Through it all,

through it all,
I’ve learned to depend upon His Word.

I’ve been to lots of places,
I’ve seen a lot of faces,
there’s been times I felt so all alone.
But in my lonely hours,
yes, those precious lonely hours,
Jesus lets me know that I was His own

(chorus)

I thank God for the mountains,
and I thank Him for the valleys,
I thank Him for the storms He brought me through
For if I’d never had a problem,
I wouldn’t know God could solve them
I’d never know what faith in God could do.
(Chorus)

I can testify to every word in this song.  It's so true that in our hardship we are strengthened through God's power in us.  However we have to depend upon God and His Word daily.  God doesn't force Himself upon us, He wants us to desire to come to Him and give Him our burdens.  God loves you!  Like a parent who comforts their child when they hurt, God comforts us. We are His children.  He created you and you are His most precious creation.  You can depend upon Him through it all.
You may not think you have anything to be thankful for this year, or maybe you are beyond thankful because you have had many blessings come your way, whatever your situation may be, know this, because of God's grace and everlasting love, He is all that you need.  No matter what.  

Had Enough

Most of us, have either heard and/or used the expression, "I've had enough!"  We all I'm sure have said or thought it ourselves from time to time.  It can be about anything we've grown tired of.  Or simply we can say, we've had enough to eat, enough TV, it doesn't really matter.  Now here's the bigger question.  Have you ever said you've had enough with life?  Or enough of different aspects of your life?  Or enough of uncontrolled events or situations in your life?  Maybe you've felt defeated, and not feeling like you can go on anymore.  Have you been overcome with fear?  Honestly the list is endless.  We all are human and we grow tired.  Our patience can get worn thin.  Each day can present new challenges.

If we look at the world around us, we don't have to look far to see hurtfulness and brokenness.  Sadly this world is full of it.  To this day, I remember all of the lost and broken people throughout the city streets I walked.  There was so much that I witnessed, that was far beyond my imagination prior to joining urban ministries.  I remember walking around feeling like I had such a heavy weight on my shoulders.  I haven't been able to walk the city for over 4 years now because of medical reasons, but the memories of it all are still fresh.  While I was in Mexico, I witnessed and heard so much brokenness as well.  What I all saw, was only a very small percentage of a broken world.

  I think of this past hurricane, and how it destroyed many lives just like that.  I think of the terrorist attacks that happened a few miles from home, in San Bernardino just about 1 year ago.  Even though life moved on, lives were dramaticallly changed and lost by people's act of violence, and hatred towards others. Then a few months later another attack in Orlando, the devestating crocodile accident, and a shooting of a young vocal artist, all within the same week.  There has been devastation around the world from shootings, terrorism, accidents, sickness, poverty, and the list goes on.

Every time I turn on the news, the first several minutes, are about shootings, horrible crimes, fires, and just sadness.  I must admit, I have said it many times that I've had enough with it all.  It breaks my heart.  I wonder what causes people to do the things they do to others.  I think to myself often, of how much it breaks my heart, it must break God's heart immeasurably more.

I've had so much physical pain in my life, to the point where I have told  my mom several times how I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, and have said I don't want anyone to ever go to hell.  We can't imagine how horrible hell will be.  When we look around the world, and hear about all of the torture and suffering people go through, hell is so much worse than all of that.  None of us can comprehend how horrific hell will be, any more than we can begin to imagine how amazing heaven will be.

I have often thought, when God will have had enough with this world.  We long for Jesus to come again soon, and to take us home.  But  at the same time, I hope that God will wait just a little bit longer to come because of so many people that don't know Him.  I have people in my life that haven't accepted Jesus as their Savior.  Every time a shooting happens, or attack happens, I have an inner thought, hoping that they knew Jesus and went to be with Him.  Sadly there are people that die everyday that didn't know Him.  Nothing breaks my heart more.  As much as I am tired and longing for Christ's return, I'd rather suffer much longer, for the sake of others to come to know Christ as their Savior.

For all of you going through hardships, I want to tell you not to lose hope.  Trust in the Lord, I promise you, He will always carry you through and will forever be by your side.  If you do not know Jesus as your personal Savior, and want to have the hope of living pain free for all eternity with Jesus, all you have to do is ask Him into your life. Jesus died on the cross for you and wants you to come to Him.  His grace is free for all who choose to accept it. Trust me, your life will be so much greater, with Jesus in it.  I've gone through a lot of different hardships all my life, but I'd rather have a life of hardship with Him, than a so called perfect life without Him.  Jesus is everything to me, and it's because of Him, I can wake up each day with a hope.  I know that when I die, or when Jesus comes again, I will never suffer again.  I'll live for all eternity perfectly whole.  If you would like to invite Jesus into your life, I want you to pray this prayer.  Prayer is a way of talking with God, and He loves you so much, and wants to hear from you.  He knows you better than you know you.

For those of you who have said yes to accepting Jesus, here's a simple prayer you can pray.  This is an example prayer, and you can pray it in your own words.  Pray what's on your heart.

Dear Jesus,  I know that I am a sinner.  I know that Your grace is something I can never earn, but it is a gift from You alone.  Lord, I'm sorry for all of the sins I've committed in my life.  Please forgive me for all of my sins Lord.  Come into my heart Lord Jesus.  Lord, thank you for loving me.  Thank you for dying on the cross for me.  Lord I love you and desire to have a relationship with You.  Help me to walk with You.  Show me Your ways Lord.  In Jesus' Name, Amen.   

If you prayed this prayer, I welcome you into God's family!  The next step would be to get a hold of a Bible and to find a Christian church to attend to.  If you need any help with this, you can contact me through this blog site.  There are a lot of online resources out there that can help you too.  Most church's have websites and their contact info on them as well.  God bless you dear friend.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Like a Rose

It has been a long time since I've written last.  To be honest I don't have a good excuse as to why, other than I've been struggling a lot lately and I really have not felt up to it.  I know that is a pretty lame excuse, but I don't have any other explanation.  However, I'm writing now and I want to get back into the swing of doing it more often again.

As many of you know  the last several years have been very hard.  I've been stretched to my breaking point, or so it felt, again and again.  I've felt the feeling of not being able to go on anymore.  Life has just been really hard to be frank.  But I did not decide to write again just to unload on you.  I have more to share that's a lot better.

Today I was outside watering some plants.  God has given me this picture many times, but as I was watering I took a literal look at it.  That is the picture of a rose.

When I'm standing above a rose, this is what I see.  A beautiful rose blooming perfectly.  If I didn't know any better, this would be all I thought a rose was.  But when looking up at a rose from underneath, I see something totally different.  

I see a bunch of thorns twisted around the stem among many leaves, and I barely can see the actual rose.  It doesn't look as pretty from the underside.  How often do we look at our own lives this way?  If we compare this to our lives, and we try to look ahead, we too see a lot of twist and turns that don't make any sense.  As we endure suffering and pain, life just looks like a bunch of thorns to us.  Pain hurts,  it hurts bad.  No matter if it is physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual, we don't like it when we have to endure pain.  I know I don't like it.  All the storms that have been thrown into my life have been incredibly hard.  Everything from dozens of surgeries, loss of loved ones, various medical problems, etc.. Very much have felt like a twisted mess not making much sense to me.  but one thing that has been a constant thing in my life is God's everlasting love.  He has walked by my side through all of the ups and downs.  He's carried me through when I had no more strength left within me.  He's used me to touch other lives and to bring honor and glory to Him.  I've had great divine appointments through the years.  I've gained great friendships and through it all, I know that Jesus has never left me alone.

When God looks down on me, He is looking at a beautiful rose that He created.  God sees the whole picture of my life, and He knows what He's doing.  He wants others to come to Him and He uses our trials and tribulations to bring people to Him.  The people who have influenced me the most in my life are the people who understand.  

I want to encourage you.  I want you to know that you're a beautiful rose that God sees.  You may feel like your life is a bunch or twisted thorns that seem unending but through God's eyes, He does see the whole picture.  You're growing into a beautiful rose as you walk through life.  God promises to never leave us.  Not only does He promise us that, but He also died for you so you can have a relationship with Him.  You can cry out to Him directly and He will hear you.  He's there to comfort you no matter what you are going through.  He also understands what you're going through.  While Jesus was on earth He went through much pain and suffering of all kinds.  We can't even imagine what He al went through.  He did it all because He loved us so much.  He will forever walk with us.  

Answered Prayer

I must say, God is good all the time.  Through all the ups and downs God is always with us, and always faithful.  God has answered prayers this past Christmas time because I have now been able to walk again without assistance.  The end of this month will mark 3 years since I walked normally.  This truly was a Christmas miracle and I give God all the glory.  My physical therapist and doctors told me I would always need the walker and wouldn't be able to walk normally again.  Nothing is impossible with God.   On December 7th, 2014 was the first Sunday I walked into church since the journey started.  It was simply amazing.  It truly is a miracle and there's no other way to explain it.   I still have my share of medical challenges, but I know God still has that all in His hands too.  I can only lean on Him, and He is what gets me through each and every day.  Even on the days when I'm down in bed, God is there. 

I want to encourage you too.  No matter what's happening in your life right now, never think that God can't handle it.  Cast all your worries on Him.  God is our Heavenly Father, and He loves each of us more than we can ever comprehend.  He understands everything we go through in life.  He collects every tear in a bottle.  He never will give up on you.  God's plan for your life will happen in His time.  I know it's not easy to wait.  If God has given you a dream and desire, it will be fulfilled.  If it is His will, it will be done.  Don't ever think that you're not worth God's time, because that is an outright lie.  You are worth it.  In fact, God gave His life up for you, just so you can have a relationship with Him. 

I didn't think I'd be walking again.  I often did get discouraged about it.  In fact there are other areas in my life that I can get discouraged about.  But I have to remind myself too, that God can do all things,.  Even though the odds were against me, God miraculously gave me the ability to walk again.  Miracles happen everyday.  Turn your eyes upon Jesus.  Trust in Him with all of your heart.  Just remember, that no matter what life throws at you, God already has overcome it and with His strength, you will get through it.  I know I have to tell myself the same thing.  I still get discouraged but I have to turn those negative thoughts into prayer and give it over to Him.  With God on our side we can get through anything that comes our way. 

Don't Give Up

If I had a quarter for every time I heard the phrase, "Don't give up," I would be able to travel the world.  Many people remind me of it: my mom, siblings, extended family, pastors, and dear friends, I feel so close sometimes to giving up but I know in my heart that is not what God would want me to do.  God tells me over and over again through His word and still small voice to keep running forward.  I have to listen to Him even above everyone else.  But I am still human and a person who is like everybody else.  I have shortcomings  I am a sinner and fall short time and time again.  Even though I feel like giving up at times, and I have those bad attitudes, I can rest assured that God never gives up on me.  God will never give up on you either no matter what.  I promise you that!

It is through God's strength that I do press forward.  When I do fall short, through Him, I get back up and proceed.  I walk forward in faith one step at a time.  God is always by my side.  He is my best listener, the One that I can always turn to, always depend on, cry on, and talk to about anything.  God wants to hear all of my feelings.  When I am tired beyond limits, He does carry me.  I get tired quite often too!

I know it in my heart God is always with me.  He promises all of us that He will never leave us.  He has never said life would be easy.  He has actually said that in this world we will have many troubles.  No matter who we are, we are not exempt.  Before you point the finger to someone else and say, their life is so easy, remember, you don't know what they are going through.  We can't determine other people's lives and whether or not how easy or hard it is.  That is a form of judging others and we are not to do that!  It is also a form of jealousy, and we are not to be jealous either.  Let God be the judge and let's be thankful for the blessings of our lives.  I know, I have to work on the same.

With God's strength we can do all things and we can get through all things.  No matter what you are going through in life, remember to keep pressing on.  Don't give up.  Instead, give it over.  Give it over to God's hands and let His hands carry you.  Even if you are in a scary situation , God will carry you and comfort you.  He is there always.

Life can be scary and if we focus on the world around us we can be worried sick!  So let's focus on God above us and the God above all.  Remember He is in control of absolutely everything and if we fix our eyes upon Jesus, we can keep running forward, knowing He is there.  He has already gone before us and He is there besides us.  So remember, never give up!  Instead trust in God and God alone.

One last thing.  I need to ask you for a personal favor.  I will be having a major surgery on November 1st.  I am asking for prayer that day  I don't want go give a lot of details other than it is a surgery in the stem of the brain and it is very complex.  Simply pray; that is really the best thing you can do.

Healer

The first time I heard the song "Healer," was at my church after coming home from the hospital in the middle of my DTS.  I had first learned I had Chiari Malformation, which was the starting point of the whirlwind of a ride it has been to today.  At least with that, there has been plenty more as you already know.

The song "Healer," brought me not just to tears, but a flood of them during that church service that day.  I oouldn't stop.  I was in tremendous pain during that moment as well.  This song means so much to me.  During my life and especicially this past year, music has been very much my therapy.  Whether, playing it on the iPad, or playing on the piano, I feel so close to God during songs like these.  Music, new or old has a way that speaks to the heart.  I find myself in tears the most, while listening or playing and they flow rapidly.

I was just released from the hospital again yesterday.  I was there for two weeks, including a few days in the ICU.   I had tremendous pain, a bad eye infection, and pneumonia.  The eye came later and I originally went to the hospital with abdominal pain.  A lot went on to sum it up briefly.  Definitely very hard and there are no words. 

When I put the music on the pain seems dimmer down.  I will never forget the day I heard "Healer" for the first time.  I have many other songs that are my favorites.  A few of them I learned through hard times.  Just to name a few, the songs "His Strength is Perfect," "God is in Control," "Through it All," " Because He Lives," and "Day by Day," are all songs that speak to me straight to the heart.   They are some of my favorites that. Never get old and I have many more that I absolutely love.

In times like now when it hurts so bad I put on the music and melt away in my Savior's arms.  I can live each day because He loves me so much and suffered and died for me.  There is nothing greater than the love of the Savior has for you and me.

Not Again!

That is what I had to say: "Not again!"  I just couldn't believe it!

Last week I ended up in the hospital and was released yesterday.  Guess what elsse is back.  The wheelchair.   Yeah, it is back because my legs gave out and I can't walk at all by myself, not even with the walker.  There as good as jello.  No, not taste wise, feeling wise!  I was very close to walking normally.  The morning before being admitted, I even drove my car a little ways to see how I do.  No I was not alone.  I drove well too, and was feeling pretty good.  That  night was a whole other story that I'll share with you, just ask.  I have relearned my lesson that I so easily forget, that is to never take anything for granted.  That goes for physical health as well.  Another lesson is to keep trusting God, even in the toughest pain.  I have had my share of them personally as well as with my family over the years.  Again, I have many stories. ( I have updated my story on the testimony page, so please feel free to check it out.  It is a 2 minute version of my story but again if you want to visit and have a cookie I'd be happy to share with you my stories!)    I know that God has not abandoned me.  I don't doubt He has a purpose for me.  Actually even now, I know He is using me.  There isn't a day that goes by that is totally in vain.

I will also tell you that my attitude isn't always good.  Many times it totally stinks.  My mind goes all over the place trying to make sense of it all.  My number one question today  is why did I go through over a year of working on regaining my strength again only to lose it in the blink of an eye for unkown reasons.  I have questions, I really do.  Probably all of them won't be answered.  But like the title of my blog's site, "God's Got This," I hold on to that.  Because knowing that is what gets me through each day.  Even when I find myself in positions where I cannot even move (I mean this literally by the way), I find the strength and comfort only God can provide.  Honestly, I wouldn't survive without Him.  He is my everything.  Even if I never walk again, God still will have me in His hands.  A song that comes to mind right now, and even as I think about the words and place them in my heart the tears well up in my eyes because it is so true.  That is the song, "Stronger" by Hillsong.

There is Love

That came for us

Humbled to a sinner's cross

You broke my shame and sinfulness

You rose again victorious

Faithfulness none can deny

Through the storm

And through the fire

There is truth that sets me free

Jesus Christ who lives in me

You are stronger

You are stronger

Sin is broken

You have saved me

It is written

Christ is risen

Jesus You are Lord of all

No beginning and no end

You're my hope and my defense

You came to seek and save the lost

You paid it all upon the cross

So let Your Name be lifted higher

Be lifted higher

Be lifted higher

I have risen victorious through Jesus Christ and ultimately His strength is what gets me through and what will get me through all the days to come.   Please check out the updated version of my testimony by clicking on the link that is on the right.  

You Can Make a Difference!

Have you ever thought to yourself  how can you make a difference in this world?  Maybe you have thought that you're not much of a world traveler, nor do you have the desire to travel much, but maybe you still wonder is there a possible way to help make a difference in someone's life.  You can help people no matter where you live, and now days it is possible to help people around the world without even traveling to do so.  If you have ever supported someone to take a mission trip through prayer or finacially, that is one way you have helped, another way would be to be a help within your own town or city.  You live in this world so if you have helped serve others 2 miles from your house you still are impacting the world somehow!  The point is we can all help others no matter where we are and we are all called to share the love of Christ and to be the love of Christ.  

I am here to ask for your help to help a little girl named Mamosa.  Mamosa lives in Lethoso, which is a small and poor country in Southern Africa.  Mamosa is my sponsored child through World Vision.  I became Mamosa's sponsor around Christmas time 3 years ago.  I was working in San Diego at the time.  One night I was in Family Christian Stores down in SD and I was checking out.  As the lady was ringing up my purchase I had glanced at the World Vision chidren on the counter.  The clerk asked if I'd be interested in becoming a sponsor.  I hesistated but then said, I have felt God calling me to be one someday, and that "someday" was the day God wanted me to start.  The store clerk pulled out Mamosa's folder and said that she had been looked over many times for over a year.  For some reason no one had chosen to be her sponsor.  By then the nudge on my heart became more like a push from God to become a sponsor and He wanted me to be Mamosa''s sponsor.  I have enjoyed being a sponsor.  Mamosa is a sweet little girl and also a very good artist.  I enjoy receiving pictures from her and sweet letters from her sweet heart.

Now today has come, where I no longer can afford to sponsor Mamosa.  I knew the day would eventually come over the past few weeks or so, because I am no longer on staff with YWAM and my income would be cut off.  The thought of not being Mamosa's sponsor was really making my heart ache even more than it already was.  I do not want to call World Vision to tell them I can no longer be Mamosa's sponsor.  I couldn't even imagine the hurt and pain little Mamosa would feel when she would find that out.  God wants me to keep on sponsoring this sweet little child of His.  I am trusting that God will somehow provide so I can keep sponsoring her.  

I am asking you.  Would you prayfully consider helping me out financially so I can continue to support Mamosa?  Any amount helps.  Please pray for Mamosa and her family.  They are very poor and they really need our help.  Together let's continue to help give what Mamosa and her family need phycially and also continue to share the love of Christ to her and her family.  If you are interested in giving please contact me.  You can either message me on Facebook, or  E-mail me at jrvl03@msn.com  Thank you so much.  

Why?

I would say every person who ever lived, and everyone who lives today has at one point or another asked the question of why.  Maybe not in English.  Maybe you asked por que?  Maybe waarom?  Or how about 為什麼呢？  Well whatever language you choose, I think you get the picture.  We have all wondered why this or that at some point in our lives.  Perhaps it is daily.  Or perhaps it is often enough where you can go back and remember the last time.  Time and place is not the point here.

Your next question now is probably, what is my point.  Well, I am glad that you asked. I have found myself asking why to a lot of things lately.  The past month has be a tough one.  This whole year actually, but more so it feels that this month has put a number on me.  I have been struggling emotionally a lot it seems like lately.  Stress and pain have both increased over the past few weeks.  I wonder sometimes why it feels like my life right now feels like a train wreck.  Last year around this time is when this whole journey started.  It was then where I have been in and out of the hospital, bound to a wheelchair for months (I praise God, I am now out of it.), struck by a lot of pain, not being able to ride a bike, (Okay, I love riding bike, and I tried it out a couple weeks ago, and it didn't go over so well!), not being able to walk the city streets and sharing the love of Christ to my homeless friends, and  I will end the list here, but you get what I'm saying.  It has been hard.  Sometimes I have days where I feel really down.  I sometimes have days where I don't feel like getting out of bed.  I feel like screaming sometimes.  Sad part is, I have tried screaming and my voice goes out!  I have had times where I have asked God why.  

God has answered my why question through  His Word.  Two passages come to mind as I write this blog, the passages that God has given me to read and remind me of.   

2 Corinthians 12:9  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,  who have been called according to his purpose."

These are two verses that God whispers in my ear daily.  God answers my "why" in a better way than I expect.  Even though right now the waves of the storm are high and I don't know what my next step is going to be, I can always be certain of this, that is Jesus is always in the same boat.  Jesus calms the raging storms that seem so out of control.  He wipes every tear away from my eyes.  Jesus heals my broken heart.  Jesus knows my pain and He cares.  Romans 8:28 tells me that God is working everything out for the good.  God is using me now and is using my journey to prepare me for what is next in my life.  God is my eternal Rock, my fortress, my deliverer.  God knows what is best for me.  God also has my entire life planned out.  As I look back on this year alone, I already see how God has walked me through and He has blessed me with some amazing people whom I love very much.  Both my family and church family have been a huge support.  I have met people whom have become some great friends and prayer warriors of mine and I would not have met them if it weren't because of everything that has happened this last year.  I have also grown closer to God and God reminds me that throughout all the trials in my life my faith does get strengthened.  I have said this to some of my family and  a couple great friends that if it wasn't for the trials I don't think I would have as strong of a faith.  Not only that, but I wouldn't know how to have such a strong compassin and love for hurting people.  That is just one example of how God uses my trials for the good and for His glory.  God wants me to have a strong and close relationship with Him.  I am an image bearer of God, meaning that God wants Hm to reflect off of me and be made known to others.  Jesus has suffered so much for me, and like it says in James, I need to count it pure joy when I endure sufferings of any kind. 

When I am down, God picks me back up.  He reminds me it is okay to be sad and have feelings.  He also reminds me of everything I just wrote.  God will always be there for me.  Even if I feel rejected by people, God says that He will never reject me, leave me or stop loving me.  God will always be my provider.  I am blessed.  I know that God is as work in me.  I will keep clinging to Him.  Though right now hurts so much, I have an inner joy that can never be taken away.  Even if everything in my life is taken away, Jessus Christ cannot ever be taken from me no matter what.  I will keep living for my King through the calm AND through the storms.

A Wedding Day Miracle

Hi Everybody,

First of all a quick update on how I am doing, and then I will share with you a story of God's amazing power and strength.

I am making progress. I have had a couple of bad falls since the last entry and they have given me quite a bit of pain. About a month ago I fell and injured my knee and it still hasn't healed. I have a brace on it which helps with my walking on it. Just a few days ago I took a face plant to the floor and gave myself a good sore back. It is starting to feel better, but that was a fall that brought tears to my eyes. I don't do that too quickly with pain. Those are a couple of the rough spots that have occurred. Overall I have made more porgress. The wheelchair has been back in the picture a little bit because of my knee, but otherwise I have said goodbye to that thing. Yay!

Now, time for the great story I have to share. My sister Laura got married this past Saturday. She got engaged in July. When the wedding date was set I had a goal to achieve. Laura made me her made of honor and I wanted so badly to walk down the isle before her without the walker. I practiced down the hallways of my house with the cane because I had a goal that the cane would be used instead. I never really did master using the cane by myself. The night of rehearsal was the first time I had walked down the isle with the cane by myself and without walls to bump into. On the wedding day I was drained. My body was already exhausted but I knew that I had a goal that was yet to be achieved.
When the time came for me to enter the sanctuary and walk down the isle, I proceeded. Then I felt my legs about to give way and I didn't think I was going to be making it. Just about everybody I knew all around me was praying for me. I felt God's power released in me, and the only way that I can explain it even being possible that I walked with a cane was Jesus carrying me down the isle. That was a total miracle that day, and I praise God that He gave me the strength I needed at just the right time. Right now the cane is put aside for a while and I still use the walker.

I took a literal step of faith that day, and God didn't let me fall. He held me up and led me to the stage where my pastor awaited to help me up the steps.  The wedding was beautiful. It was a Christ centered ceremony and a great day to celebrate with family and friends. 

Thank you all for your prayers and love you have shown me. It has been a rough year, but to God be the glory because I say this with everything I have, "God's got this!" He truly does, and He has continued to remain so faithful, and has given me strength in my weakest moments. Even when my faith is dim, God still holds me tightly in His arms and continues to remind me He is all that I need. I continue to look to the cross and hold tightly on to Jesus, because without Him I am nothing. He is my everything and He is what gets me through each and every day.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

One Fall too Hard

During the past several months I have fallen many times.  Every time I was able to get up, usually with assistance, but I never hurt myself worse than maybe a bruise.  Last week I tripped again and landed on my knee wrong and ended up with a torn ligament and added pain.  I say it was one fall too hard.  During the past few nights I have been thinking.  Night time has become great thinking time because it is hard to sleep.  Anyways I started to compare the fall to my walk with God.  

As I've thought to myself, on the spiritual journey we have many bumps in the road, and times when we have fallen.  The good thing is as Christians we never have to worry about falling too hard for God to be able to pick us back up.  God always walks with us and if we surrender to Him, He will never let us down.   God wants us to follow Him and do what He has called each of us to do.  Many times we fail and try to do things on our own.  That is when we run into trouble.  Because of our sinful nature we do make mistakes.  But God never says to us, "You're not good enough, and I don't need you anymore."  No matter what, God will always be there.  

God also gives us free will.  He doesn't force us to follow Him or accept Him into our lives.  But let me tell you, that when we do commit our lives over to Christ and choose to follow Him, we have a peace and a hope, and an assurance that we are His, and one day He will call us to be with Him for all eternity.  God also promises us that He will be with us, and He will never fail us.  He uses every trial for good and there is always a purpose for every one.   No one can ever take the assurance away no matter how hard life may get.  No matter how many times you stumble, God will always be there to pick you up, and there will never be a fall too hard.  

Not Just a Sandwich

I want to share a story with you.  This is a moment in my life that happened back when I was in college...

The night was cold.  Class was just dismissed for break.  During my break I got into my car to drive up to the gas station just a couple of blocks away from my school.  I pulled up into the parking stall and began taking those few steps to the doors of the gas station store.  Sitting next to the doors was a gentleman dressed in shabby and dirty clothes.  His face and hands were very dirty, and his eyes were filled with grief.  He didn't have to say much, but I knew that this man was lonely, cold, and hungry.  He looked at me and asked if I had any money.  I told him I didn't have any, because I didn't have any cash on me;  just my ATM card.  But he needed something more than a couple bucks.  As I proceeded into the store my mind started going.  I got myself something cold to drink and a little snack to keep my mind awake for the remainder of class that night, but I knew that God wanted me to grab something for the man outside.  I picked up a gas station sandwich and a water bottle.  I made the purchase and walked back outside. I handed the man the bag with the sandwich and water in it and I said, "Here you go sir."  His eyes grew wide and he looked up at me and said to me in a tone that I will never forget.  He said, "You got that for me?  God bless you."  He acted as if I handed him a feast.  His gratitude said it all to me.  

I got back in my car and the tears started to come.  I began to wonder what was his story.  I never saw this man again and even today I wonder sometimes what happened to him.  God told me that night to get a sandwich for the man, but it wasn't just a sandwich, no it was something more.  Jesus shown through me that night.  I could feel the power of the Holy Spirit in me and God's love was poured into the sandwich.  God uses even the smallest acts of kindness to bring others to Him.  I didn't realize until several months later that God was calling me into something more than what I was studying at school.  As I finished up my college career and graduated, God had been leading me into a ride of my life.  I am still riding it!  Between that time to today God has given me many more opportunities to spread His love to the lost and hurting people.  He has definitely given me a huge passion to share His love to those on the streets.  One of the lessons that I learn is God will use even the smallest acts of love and change someone's life.  

We may not all be called to serve around the world, or even in full-time ministry but we are all called to love.  We are all called to share God's love with those around us.  If God asks you to buy a sandwich for someone, remember it isn't just a sandwich He is asking you to give.  God works in so many ways and He even can change someone's life through a gift of a sandwich.       

Can we Trust Him?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Take a moment and read this verse carefully again. Read is as many times as you need to. Many of you may know this verse by heart. That's great! I want all of you to be honest with yourself. How much do you put your total trust in God without leaning on your own understanding? I'd say allof us in one way or another have struggled with putting our entire trust in God. I know that I have struggled with that. I want to know the why, how, when, and so forth.

God commands us to trust in Him. But why is it so hard sometimes? That is a question that only you can answer for yourself. I know that I often struggle with it because I'm someone that likes to have everything figured out. When I find myself at a seemingly dead end road my first reaction isn't usually the right one. Trusting God is something I have to work on and have worked on during these past several months of medical issues that have put me in a place I've never been in my life. I have struggled with all kinds of pain and phyisical weakness. But it has been through those times that God has proven Himself strong to me. I learn to trust God more in the darkest valleys. I need to keep saying to myself, God's got this! When I say that I feel so much more secured, and I can rest assured that He really has it all in His hands. When everything is going great in my life I forget much too quickly that I need to continue to depend on God for every little thing in life. But God knows what's best and He works everything out for the good. God promises that.

What I would like to do today is open up this blog as a prayer chain. I felt God giving me a tug on my heart to write this for a few days, and I know that He is going to use it. What I would like for you to do is pass this blog to people you know and keep it going.    Encourage them to write a comment on this blog about where they struggle with trusting in God, and/or what challenges are they facing today.  I would like you as well to write a comment sharing what areas or challenges do you struggle with trust and/or your challenges as well.   It can remain annoynomous by just entering your first name only or put the first letter of your name. However you want to address yourself is up to you. After you have shared, then write out a prayer for the person who commented ahead of you. The first person, if you could say a prayer for me, and whoever is the last person to comment I will say a prayer for you. Let's start a movement of getting more people to be in prayer for one another. I hope that you feel the tug of the Holy Spirit and do what He is asking you to do. That is my prayer for you.

God is Bigger than the Giants

It has been a rough couple of days.  Right now I am emotionally and physically exhausted.  I sometimes feel like I have nothing left.  I don't know if I can hear anymore disapointing news, because I don't know if I can handle it.  It has been an emotional roller coaster and there are those moments where I don't feel like riding it anymore.  I feel like I'm living my very own movie of "Facing the Giants."  Only it has nothing to do with football.  I have had many questions that don't feel like they've been answered.  I don't know if you want me to write something like this, but I've said this before; when I write a blog, it is honest, sometimes I lay it all out there and most of them I become vulnerable with.  But you know that I will also share the lesson learned, and there is a point that is made.  For those of you that are new readers, bare with me on this and I do hope you all read this one to the end and will feel encouraged by it.

It has been a rough year.  For a long time now it seems as though one battle has come after the other. I feel like the raging storms aren't still very often.  Even through the highest wave, and the strongest force, God has been fighting the battle for me.  Today God has given me a reminder that He is bigger than the "mean giants" of my life.  God is crushing those giants and no matter how hard they may try to break me, they can't.  My sister referred to me as being like a palm tree.  They are tall and flemsy trees that can bend far, but they are strong and no matter how far they bend the cannot be broken.  This is  metephorphically speaking.  I have been bent far and I don't feel like I can bend any further.  But I know I have to rely on God's promise to me that He will never give me more than I can bare.  I know that God is here with me.  The phrase I always say is true.  (God's got this.)  Though sometimes  the enemy causes me to wonder, he still can't destroy me.  There have been many people in my life that have tried to discourage me and tell me I'm not good enough or talented enough and many other discouraging words.  Maybe you have had the same thing happen to you.  You know what we can tell those people that try to knock us down?  If we were good enough, we wouldn't need God.  But we rely totally on God's strength to walk us through and lead us to what He calls us to do.  There is NOTHING impossible with God!  Absolutely NOTHING!  At the end of the movie, "Facing the Giants," that is the scripture that they quoted.  What everyone thought as an impossible situation, became possible through God's mighty power.  Even though the this time may be incredibly hard, I can rest assured that God is going to heal me, and the dreams that He planted on my heart are going to become a reality in His time.  Even though I have been struck down many times by physical problems, people downing me, laughing at me, and telling me I'm not smart enough, no matter what element the enemy will try to use to destroy me, I can't be destroyed and neither can you.  With God's power, ALLTHINGS are possible.

Here is a song, that I have heard recently and instantly became one of my favorites.  Listen to the words, and may the God of hope and all possibilities uplift you today.  Remember He's bigger than the giants in your life, and will crush them like a bug.  Just keep trusting in Him.

It's Only His Strength

Today, marks the three year anniversary of my official start with YWAM. I'm not going to beat around the bush here, so let me just say it has been a tough few years! I will also say it has been the best few years. There has been a lot God has led me through. He has strengthened my faith remarkably, and I have to say, I serve an awesome God. My story doesn't start at just three years ago, it starts from the very beginning of my life. I've had my share of hardships for as long as I can remember. There has been numorous trials such as surgeries, school struggles, tragic famiiy deaths and sickness, my own near death experience and more; now today, I'm struggling with more physical difficulties, working on walking again, and not having very much physical strength, it all has been very hard. I don't know why I have been taken away from San Diego for this long. I want to be out there in the streets sharing God's love. Why am I here? I've struggled with trying to understand the reasons and asking why is this happening. Though Jesus has always kept and continues to keep me going forward with a hope and joy in my heart. No matter what happens that can never be taken away from me. Jesus knows how I feel, in every circumstance. He has experienced every pain and trial and more suffering than anyone. He did that because He loves us so much. Jesus knows that this earth is full of suffering and trial, and He does understand. That is why I can keep going, because I have the strength of my everlasting Father carrying me through. I know that God is with me, He's got this. It has been one thing happening after another, and the enemy is trying so hard to get me down. I may be struck down but not destroyed, persecuted but not abandoned, I am more than a conqueror through Christ. These past few weeks I have been struggling a lot. The pain both emotionally and physically have gotten intense at times. Though I am not alone. It may feel like it at times, but God is there. His strength is what I need. God has been preparing me for the call He has placed on my heart. It is a passion that is so strong that I know God has given it to me. He has called me to love and serve the hurting and lost people. Be wants me to be able to minister to them, but also to have more of an understanding. How can I understand how someone who hurts feels, without going through it myself? God has given me the strength I need for each day, and the day is coming when I can return back to ministry. Though I may not be ministering in San Diego right now, God is still using me somehow. He is allowing me to touch more lives and help people. I don't always see it, but that is okay because it is not for me to know, it is for God to be glorified.