One Week and Counting...

Yes you did read the title right. As of today I have one week left here at home. It is official next week Friday I am loading up my little car, and driving on down to San Diego, where I will start as a full time YWAMer. I'm joining staff there. Many people ask me how long is this next phase, and I always answer with I don't know. Well I know now, it is going to be as long as God wants me there.
I'm so excited, but there is also a ton of anxiety. I mean my heart is pounding out of my chest at times. I cannot believe the time is here. The time that I worked so hard for, all the preparations, the waiting, doors opening and closing, and the emotional ride it has been, all of that and more, has led me to this moment. One thing is for certain, the enemy did not want me to get this far. He tried everything in his power to get me to quit. There were times I almost did. But there is something else inside of me that kept me going. That is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He was my strength when I felt like I didn't have another step left in me. He was the One running by my side, He was carrying me, and He felt everything I went through. I felt the heart-aches, the dissapointments, and the struggles. I could not have gone through these past couple years without Him. I'm glad that I listened to His still small voice telling me to keep going. Now He is leading me to the next step. I can enter it with confidence knowing that His strength is in me, and He will never let me go.
Though there are going to be challenges in my future I'm sure, I am not afraid to face them. I won't be facing them alone. God has given me all that I need, and I know He will always provide. (Phil. 4:19, and Isa. 58:11). Now that I've been home and re-fueled, I feel even readier than ever. God has called me, and the time has come, the door has opened, and it is time for me to walk through it. Please pray for this next chapter of my life. I thank all of you who have been praying me through... my family, church family, YWAM family, and all my friends. You guys are the most amazing people ever, and you all mean the world to me. Thank you for you prayers, support, and also thank you for being a listening ear when I needed to talk, some of you even were that shoulder for me to cry on. God bless you all, and as always I will keep you posted on all that goes on. Te quierro mucho (I love you :)!!

Homesick

Tonight was an incredible night. Here I was sitting in the arena with about 9,000 people listening to an awesome concert and worshiping God together. A number of artists performed: Sidewalk Prophets, Fee, David Crowder Band, MercyMe, and a few others. But when MercyMe performed, that is when the tears, started to well up uncontrollably. I was pretty glad it was dark in the place that's for sure. But there were two songs in particular that hit me pretty hard and most of you probably know or at least have heard of them... Homesick, and I can Only Imagine. I think first of all since I can relate totally to the lead singer, when he sings these songs, and it has been just over 10 years since his dad died, and mine too. But those tears were not really tears of sadness, but rather tears of joy. Knowing that my dad and all my loved ones that have gone before me have no more pain, no more sorrow, and they are rejoicing eternally with our Heavenly Father.
I just wanted to share that you know it is really an awesome comfort knowing that we will be going Home someday to meet our Savior face to face. For me personally I know that God has plans for me here on earth first... after all I came pretty close to going Home. I know that and as I listen to the news, go to town, or just walk around my own neighborhood, I come across many people who do not have that joy. They have no idea what it means to have true happiness. All the material goods in the world can't make a person truly happy or feel loved... only God can fill in the hole of people's lives, and only He can bring a person Home. This life is only temporary... and God has a lot to teach me yet, but this is not my true home. I'm a pilgrim walking through to my final Destiny. But until I get Home to reunite with everybody, and celebrate eternally with my Savior, God has given me a job to do. That is to go into the world, where He leads me and share His love. Allow Jesus to shine through me, and share my story and God's amazing love and grace.
Jesus will carry me through, I believe that with all of my heart. Even though sometimes the pain gets pretty rough, and I feel all alone, I can rest in His arms. He carries me through and sometimes I do get the feeling of homesickness. Not just my earthly home, but my heavenly home. Because I do still miss my loved ones who are no longer with me. There are a ton of things I would have loved to share with them. Tell them about all the things I've done, but that day is yet to come. I am going to keep running for my King. When it's time to go Home, I know that my Father will be there with His open arms, saying welcome home My daughter, I am proud of you.
When we all get to Heaven what a glorious day that will be. Until that day comes may we never stop living for our King. Let us continue to be the Light in the dark world. They need us now more than ever...
Father, I praise You for Your love, for Your guidance, and for never letting us go. You are the One I adore, the One I want to follow. Lord, please lead me into the places You have called me to. Help me to stand out... all for Your glory. I am not here to receive any special attention, or spotlight, my life is about serving You, and praising Your name. This world is full of hurt, greed, hate, lust, pain, sorrow, and many other things... God this world needs the Light of Jesus. Please light the Fire within me, and all my brothers and sisters in Christ. May we stand hand in hand, and stand up for Jesus. We are soldiers for You. Arm us with Truth, and protect us Father. You are an awesome and wonderful God, and oh how I love You. Teach me to walk by faith, and not by sight. In Jesus' Name Amen

In His Steps

Jesus You are the One I want to follow, the One that I want to be like. You came into this earth, and You suffered and died for me. You came to serve others, and I want to follow in Your steps. I thank You for all the places You've brought me to, and all the things You have taught me these past couple years. It has been a ride, but a ride that has brought me closer to You, and has taught me more about my trust and faith in You, and how much my life depends on it. You are all that I need. As I prepare for the next step, may I not forget all that You have taught me, and may I remember that this is all for Your glory, and Your's alone. Amen.

I have been home now for a couple months just about. During that time I've been getting some things together, and preparing for heading out again to San Diego full-time. But as I've been preparing, and getting into the rush of things, I've caught myself forgetting what God has already done in my life. I start thinking so much about what lies ahead, getting nervous about it, and start thinking about all the "what ifs" that my focus becomes more on myself, instead of God and what He has taught me, and what He continues to teach me. I come to realize that my feet need to be placed on the right path again... I need to keep my eyes focused totally on Jesus, letting Him guide me step by step. Remembering that my life is a journey all about faith, trust, endurance, and following in the footsteps of my Savior Jesus Christ. I'm here to be the hands and feet of Jesus. God is the author of my life, and He reminds me not to worry about tomorrow... God already knows what tomorrow is going to be like, He knows what next week, next year, and everyday for the rest of my life are going to be like. I certainly don't, but I know that my life is in His hands.
Everytime I try to take matters into my own hands I am saying God I know it better than you, and I going to do it this way. It reminds me of my teenage "know it all years" when I'd be saying the same things to my parents. My parents were much wiser and smarter than me in those years, yes I still think so now too, and God is all knowing all powerful, and so I must continue to remind myself of that. Knowing that God knows what's best. You'd think I would have learned this by now, but the truth is, I still have to keep reminding myself to trust in God with all my heart.
I will contine to walk forward, and even though I don't know what the future holds, I know Who holds it. God is working in my life day after day, and even now when things are slow, and I am getting anxious to move forward again, God is still preparing me, and working in me. He is getting me geared of for what lies ahead. As I continue to walk forward, I want to always take every step in obedience. It is a great adventure, and what my life is all about.

"Day by day, and with each passing moment, Strength I find, to meet my trials here;Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment, I’ve no cause for worry or for fear. He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure Gives unto each day what He deems best—Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure, Mingling toil with peace and rest."

I will follow in the footsteps of Jesus... I will be a disciple for Him... and I will be all who He wants me to be.

My Letters are Mailed!

Each time I make my trips to the post office, I can't help but to get a sense of nerves and a load of excitement within me. Thinking that once these letters leave my hands and hit the mailbox, I am now one step closer to taking another leap of faith. A huge step and one that sends a whole mixture of emotions. The first time I sent out letters was when I explained to everyone that I was planning on joining a DTS... telling them my story on how God worked through me my entire life, to get to that moment. I walked around a little bit before I put them into the box, thinking does God really want me to do this, what am I getting myself into. I wanted to do it slow, but a lady comes out and tells me I can just throw them all in the big bin she had since I had so many. That made it quicker than what I had anticipated.

Now today a whole new experience is about to unfold. One that's even longer than my DTS. For now I sent out the letters explaining that I am called to be a full-time missionary for God. Meaning that I will be moving out to a whole new ball park. Well not totally new, but the experience itself certainly is. The area not so much. But the thing is my mind races a mile a minute for I know that God has big plans for me, and He has already demonstrated His power through me in incredible ways. I know that I was where God wanted me during my DTS, at just the right time, and everything I went through before my DTS, and during my DTS led me to just where and what God wanted me to do. Not only that but it prepared me even more for what God wants me to do in my future. With all the battles that I faced, some made me feel to the point of throwing in the towls, but I know that God gave me the strength I needed to get through each one.

God has placed a burning desire on my heart to serve, and to tell the world about Him. It started at 10 years old, and at that time I didn't realize that my childhood dream would someday become a reality. But it did. I went through some very hard times and traveled through some dark valleys throughout my life, and the darkest time period was my high school years. (Please read my testimony page for more of my story). But God has been faithful, and He always will be. God is mighty enough to create something as huge as the Grand Canyon, and He takes care of all the living beings within; He is also watching over me, and I am more precious to Him, than the animals within, that being said, I know God will be taking care of me. He will guide my steps, even when it feels like I'm on the rims of the cliff, God won't let me fall.

So now as I prepare for what God has next for my life, I must keep my eyes focused on Him. Letting Him be the Light to my path, and the Light through me in this dark world. The biggest lesson I've learned in my life is to not give up, to keep running, even when it hurts. When the heart starts to burn, and I feel like I can't go another step, God will still be there cheering me on. Saying "you can do it my child, my strength is all you need and I'm carrying you through." I will serve my King and be all who He wants me to be. When the trials come, and the mountains seem to hard to climb, God will always give me the strength to move forward. Yes I'm sure there will be more tough times, but the theme song of my life is Through it All. God promises me that He will be with me through everything, and He is a faithful and loving God who keeps all His promises, and I can rest in His everlasting arms. I'm here to be all who God wants me to be, and nothing else.

Though it All by: Adrae Crouch
I've had many tears and sorrows,I've had questions for tomorrow,there's been times I didn't know right from wrong.But in every situation,God gave me blessed consulation,that my trials come to only make me strong.

Through it all,through it all,I've learned to trust in Jesus,I've learned to trust in God.Through it all,through it all,I've learned to depend upon His Word.

I've been to lots of places,I've seen a lot of faces,there's been times I felt so all alone.But in my lonely hours, yes, those precious lonely hours, Jesus lets me know that I was His own

I thank God for the mountains,and I thank Him for the valleys,I thank Him for the storms He brought me through.For if I'd never had a problem,I wouldn't know God could solve them, I'd never know what faith in God could do.

Surgery Complete

Yesterday was my big day. I went in for surgery on my left ear, and had a skin graft from my arm, to help with the healing process in my ear. I had large surgery done on my ear back in may of 2009, and my ear was not healing properly from that surgery. I had the same problem with my right ear, and after the second surgery on that ear, it healed up within a few weeks. The doctor is hoping for the same on my left ear. Right now I'm in a lot of pain but I am glad that the surgery is behind me. It has been a long road, but some amazing things have happened along the way. Because of my ear conditions I kept trying to join a DTS, but each time the door closed. I was finally able to join DTS in September of 2009. During the journey of trying over and over again, God has taught me more about patience, trust, faith, and endurance. All were very important along the journey of DTS, where I had some more battles to face, after becoming sick, ending up in the hospital, and my outreach to Southern Mexico becoming a closed door. It was a very hard thing to go through, but without God's strength holding me up, and His voice leading me through to where He wanted me, I wouldn't have been able to get through it. It was with His guidance, that led me through.
Now as I'm home and laying low for a while I'm also using this time to reflect on what God has done and the things He is preparing me for. God is calling me, and He is leading me. God wants me to continue to serve Him as a missionary. I feel His calling into city ministry. I felt God speaking to me at the very beginning of my DTS already. I heard Him telling me that He wanted me in city ministry of some sort, and at that time I wasn't sure just what that meant. It started off as a small desire that continued to grow throughout my DTS. It was amazing how God led me on a special outreach that focused on that particular ministry in San Francisco. As hard as it was to be separated from everyone else, I loved the ministry I was in, and I knew God planned that all out for a reason. It was His perfect plan, and He continued to teach me to totally depend on Him in all situations good and bad. Following God's will for my life hasn't always been easy, in fact there were many times where it was very hard, and at times it hurt. But it has been the best. There is nothing greater than to be on the road that I'm on, living each and every day in faith, and letting God's amazing power do His work in me.